Birding. Just DON'T do it.

Whatever you do, don't become a bird watcher.

Let me explain.

As you are probably well aware, birding is for losers. You will see from my photos that birding is an extremely boring, stodgy, and dull hobby. Birding is completely uninteresting. You stand around waiting for hours for a bird or two to fly around in your direction, then you take a quick look at it and go home. Its not very exciting. It's really for people who have nothing else to do, and who have no other skills or abilities.

And if the experience of birding wasn't humdrum enough for you, just wait until you meet the other BIRDERS.

The people you meet birding are just as you might expect. Unattractive, old and shriveled up, extremely negative, always complaining, unintelligent, and non-conversational. They are dark, sinister SUPER NERDS. They have no social skills and never seem to smile. In fact, I've never seen any of them have any fun at all, nor have I ever had a moment's fun with any of them. There is very little personality represented in the birding community. It's really like a giant group of lifeless, soulless potatoes. Boneless chickens. Crash test dummies with a pulse.

Birders have no spirit of adventure, no zest for life, they do not love learning new things, and they are rather uneducated and stupid. They hate sharing helpful information, they are generally unkind and insensitive, and they despise any type creative discussion. They are selfish and never ever give advice about anything. They love to argue. They hate the world around them, they abhor the planet they occupy, and they loathe the people and creatures who inhabit it. They know very little about current events and have no interest in these things. Birders NEVER get excited about anything, especially traveling to new and interesting places, seeing beautiful birds, reptiles, animals, plants, or wildlife. They hate all that stuff. In fact, they hate life in general.

Birders are haters.

I hope you will take a moment to look at this gallery of photos and all of the miserable people I have met through bird watching. It's all so very sad. I am in most of these photos, and it is clear that my life is being destroyed by birding and the global birding community in general.

Birding is where dreams go to die.

We all are incredibly unhappy human beings and we all live horrible, useless lives.

Save yourself.

Don't become one of us.

SCII-FI, THE PHILOSOPHY OF LOVE, AND OTHER TREKKIE TRUTHS

HERE'S A LITTLE STORY that reinforced something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

Today I watched a sci-fi show where the plot involved a symbiote being and a human being who fell deeply in love. (Okay, sci-fi nerd alert, but stay with me here.) The symbiote was a separate being, a soul, who lived within a host body. However, the essential person, the real person, was the symbiote being within, not the one you could see externally. The host body of the symbiote became  injured beyond saving, and physicians had to find a new host for the symbiote. The perfect match happened to be of another gender. The surgery was successful, and the symbiote being was transferred to a new host body of a different gender. The other person, the human, then faced the very real struggle of trying to figure out whether or not they actually loved the physical, external person or the person within, and questioned whether it was possible for them to separate the two in matters of love.

What a great philosophical question. In a way, I believe we are all internal beings inhabiting a "host body". When we are able to truly love another person, either romantically or in family or friendship, doesn't it eventually become the internal person that we truly love? I think so. Our challenge is in learning to love that internal person. I believe that love is love, regardless of the appearance, age, or gender of a person's "host body". I believe that true love, when it is mature and real, transcends the physical. It is two souls connecting... deep calling to deep within one another. When two people are truly in love, they love the essential person within.

Yes, physical attraction is absolutely essential in romantic relationships. To be blunt, sex is extremely important in romantic love and intimacy! To shut off or withhold sexual affection with your partner is shutting down a primary channel of intimacy. Eventually it will damage the relationship. But I believe that attraction is more a result of the powerful internal love rather than the other way around. Sadly, in our society, we judge our own relationships and the relationships of others, on the physical. We fall in love with someone's external host body, and in time, we learn to love the internal person they truly are. This seems backward, to me. Physical love and soul love are not exclusive, but the internal attraction inspires and fuels the external attraction when it's real. And this, of course, begs the question, how many of us have ever honestly experienced this kind of love? Probably not as many of us as we think. If we have ever loved or have been loved in this way, we are most fortunate.

I've been working on a song that contains the line, "the heart can feel what the eyes never see". Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing. After watching this sci-fi love story, I have new inspiration to finish my song, a ballad about deep love and connection that cannot be severed by challenging circumstances, disapproval of others, disappointment, setback, physical distance, drastic change in physical appearance, or even death itself.

I'm not making a moral, religious, or political statement here. In fact, if you feel it necessary to share your moral, religious, or political views in response to this story, I would respectfully ask you not to reply. This is meant to provoke thought, not to convince others to think like I do. I believe that mature people grow and learn by exploring and expanding our perspectives and understanding, not by insisting that everyone believe and think exactly the way that we do. I hope, at the very least, I've challenged your thinking just a little bit. My thinking certainly has been challenged, and I'm grateful for that.

What have I learned from this? That the words "I love you", whether I'm expressing them or receiving them, mean so much more in my life now than they ever have before.

What is our deepest human need? To love and be loved, to understand and be understood, to know and be known. If our world learns to see more with our hearts than we do with our eyes, we will be a more loving world, indeed.

My Autumn Gallery

I have just come through the busiest year of my adult career. I've been full steam ahead, nonstop since August 2014, and sadly, I have paid very little attention to the rapidly turning pages of the calendar. Months have flown by like hours, and I find myself somewhat dizzy from the passage of time. Three international trips, 5 birding events executed successfully, all three children off to 3 different colleges, exactly 198 days spent traveling since last fall, and an ever-growing marketing workload each day. Lo and behold, I have emerged from my busy year to find that autumn is upon us once again! Hallelujah! Fall has always been my favorite time of year, and I'm thrilled that it's here again in all its glory. Thanks to my busy schedule, I am long overdue with a blog post, and I apologize to those of you who are such faithful followers of my little blog. In an attempt to re-engage with you, I am sharing an "Autumn Gallery" with many of my favorite fall photos taken by this very amateur photographer. Some were taken with my Cannon camera, some with my cell phone, and some are rather old and blurry! Regardless of the quality, I hope these photos inspire your love of autumn as they do mine.

 Birding in Ashtabula, OH, October 2011

 Orrville, OH, October 2012

 Ashtabula, OH, October 2011

 Corn Maze in Orrville, OH, 2012

 Hayride in Hocking Hills, OH, 2013

My #2 and #3 kiddos, Cooper and Hope Eller

Hope's 18th birthday party, November 2014

My 3 very young children trick-or-treating, October 2000.

Spencer is 8, Cooper is 5, and Hope is almost 4.

Birding in Wisconsin, October 2014

My happy place. Marblehead Lighthouse near my home, October 2013

Aldo Leopold Foundation & Cottage, Wisconsin, October 2014

Bowling Green University vs. Ohio University, October 2014

My owl pumpkin! October, 2014

 Carved with love, and a very dull knife.

My favorite local farmer's market, Bergman's in Port Clinton, OH

Photo of me by Bill Thompson III, October 2011

Cooper's Senior Year of Football, 2013

Birding with the Ohio Ornithological Society, 2013

At the International Crane Foundation with Kyle Carlsen and Michael & Diane Porter, October 2014

 (Whooping cranes in the background!)

With some of my favorite people, Fall 2013: Tim Appleton, Sharon Stiteler, Bill Thompson III,  and Mark Cocker

My daughter-in-law Casie and my son Spencer. Carving pumpkins and fall crafting at my house.

Wisconsin fall landscape, October 2014

Cooper and Hope, Fall 2013

Bergman's!

Our cat pumpkin, 2013

Fall birding in South Texas! Great kiskadee and green jays, just a few of the many South Texas specialty birds.

Blue Ridge Parkway, Virginia, 2010

(And my first attempt at photo filters, a tad overdone.)

Wishing you a glorious fall season full of beauty, color, peace, and love!

I'll leave you with beautiful words of fall from one of my favorite poets.

OCTOBER

by Robert Frost

O hushed October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
Tomorrow's wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
Tomorrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow.
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know.
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away.
Retard the sun with gentle mist;
Enchant the land with amethyst.
Slow, slow!
For the grapes' sake, if the were all,
Whose elaves already are burnt with frost,
Whose clustered fruit must else be lost—
For the grapes' sake along the all. 

LOVE IN REAL LIFE

Last winter when the world was snowy and rather dull, I did something I’ve always wanted to do. I surveyed 120 of my friends and asked them this question: “What are the top 5 most important non-physical qualities you need in a life partner?” The demographics of the group I surveyed were 50% men, 50% women between the ages of 30 and 75 years old. 85% had a college degree or higher, 54% were currently in a committed relationship and 46% were not currently in a committed relationship. 95% earned between 50K and 200K per year (individual income, not household income). I had responses from people in 6 countries, and the folks who responded were 70% white and 30% black, Hispanic or other. 75% were heterosexual, 20% were homosexual, and 5% were bisexual or undecided.

Of the 54% who were in a committed relationship, only 20% of those surveyed said they were “content, and feel they had chosen the right partner”. That means that 80% of people of the people I surveyed who are in committed relationships were “discontent”, “would not choose that same partner if they had it to do over again”, and “have no hope of every having an intimate connection” with their current partner. I did not ask the “breakup” or “divorce” question, because the world has enough stats on that already. 10% were completely happy, and 10% were indifferent. These results were surprising and sad. 

Of the 46% who were not in a committed relationship, 80% said they were “hopeful they would find a life partner within the next 5 years”. 20% said they were “not interested in a relationship” or “indifferent”. Of the 46% who were not in a relationship, 95% felt that they were confident about what they were looking for in another person, and that these qualities had changed since their “first” committed relationship. 5% of these people had never been in a long-term relationship. This is hopeful news. Seems like the people who were unattached have apparently learned things the hard way, and are taking their time to find the right person.

These demographics are important in quantifying these responses because I wanted to know exactly who my responders were. This is the first time I have done something like this, and it was a fascinating study! I left the answers open ended, so people could list any top-5 qualities that were most important to them. In other words, I did not suggest qualities in a multiple choice fashion, I asked them to list them on a blank slate.

Here are the results. I will form my own summary at the end, but the results speak for themselves.

•      100% need someone supportive. These answers came in the form of, “someone who believes in me, someone who helps me reach my goals, someone who listens, someone who wants to be my true partner.”
•       98% listed a positive attitude as the most important quality in a partner.
•       89% listed physical intimacy as very important to them.  
•      86% said that faithfulness/trust was critical.
•       70% said that friendship was critical. These answers were things like, “I want a partner who is my best friend, someone to laugh and have fun with, someone with whom I share similar interests.”
•       68% stated that having a common life/world view was important to them. This involved answers about politics, religion, views on marriage, family, raising children, and lifestyle.
•       49% said they needed someone who was emotionally balanced, patient, reliable, stable, understanding, a good listener, forgiving.
•       46% said they needed someone who was financially responsible.
•       46% said they wanted to be with someone who was their intellectual equal.
•      40% listed a healthy lifestyle as important to them.
•       39% used words like, “fun, easy to be with, relaxed, confident, doesn’t overreact, not overly emotional, not intense”.
•       35% said they wanted someone authentic, real, down to earth.

After reading about 25 surveys, I could have easily predicted the answers on the remaining 100 surveys. I was shocked that everyone’s top 5 answers were nearly the same. Issues like support and positive attitude appeared on nearly every single person’s survey.

So what do we learn from this? Firstly, this is a segment of society, not society at large. But we can learn several things from these results:

•       Most people DO want a life partner, and feel they will find this person in time.
•      Most people feel they did not choose the right person(s) in present/past committed relationships.
•      A healthy sex life is very important in relationships. Period.
•      Most people want a positive, happy, supportive, balanced, best friend to share their life with.
•      Many people want to enjoy life with their partner and share interests and activities.
•      Being supported emotionally by a life partner is just about the most important thing to most people (other than having a positive person as a partner). These things apparently go hand in hand.

In summary, here is what people said they were looking for:

"I need someone who is supportive, interested in me physically and sexually, believes in me, wants to help me and work as a team, is my best friend, has fun with me, shares a common world view, wants the same things in life, is patient, balanced, and a good listener, is forgiving, is financially responsible, is my intellectual equal, is not too intense, and is real and down to earth.”

On a side note, I noted that no one used the words “soul mate”, and no one mentioned wealth or material things. No one used words like "excitement" or "thrilling".

There you have it! This is what “Love in real life” looks like.

Whether we are in a committed relationship or not, we need to follow the old saying, “BE THE PERSON YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.”

Here’s hoping everyone finds it, nurtures it, and never lets it go.

TURN OFFS & TURN ONS! A lighthearted look at dating in the 'Middle Ages'

I never dreamed I'd be single at 47, but life is quite an adventure, and life is good!  Someone asked me recently what my "type" of partner was.  My immediate reply was, "NOT a jerk!".  I guess I'm more sure about what I don't want than what I do want.  After all, figuring out what you want sometimes begins with realizing what you don't want, right?
Although I'm a red blooded female, I've never really given much thought to "types".  But it got me thinking about what I've learned about myself, and what things are particular "turn-ons" and "turn-offs" for me.  I'm not talking here about physical traits, but character traits.  I suppose we all have an image of our ideal mate, and also have a mental list of "deal-breaker" behaviors in another person.  Have you ever actually listed them before?  I took a stab at it, and thought I'd share my lists with you.  I'm sure this list says a lot about me, so please be gentle - ha!

Men, I'm not speaking for all women here, just for myself.  Ladies, you may or may not agree with this list.  To each his (or her) own.  I hope that guys and gals alike will send me your lists as well!   Who knows, your #1 pet peeve might be 'People who write stupid blogs about their turn-offs and turn-ons'.  If so, please accept my apologies, and delete-delete-delete!

So, with very little thought, and right out of the the top of my head, here is my TOP 15 TURN-OFFS AND TURN-ONS in a significant other.  (I'm using the pronoun "he" because I happen to be a hetero female.  You can plug in your own pronoun.)

MY TOP 15 TURN-OFFS

• He’s a conspiracy theorist. 
• He talks endlessly about himself but never asks me about me.
• He has a drunk alter-ego.
• His favorite movies are Vin Diesel and Steven Segal films.
• His only hobbies involve television or computers.
• He uses poor grammar.
• He is negative and has issues with everything and everybody.
• He flirts with other women and is a 'playa'.  (Oh h*ll to the no.)
• His former girlfriend is hurt, dead, or missing.
• He’s unreliable and/or dishonest.
• When dealing with conflict he errs on the side of being harsh rather than being kind.
• He cannot control his anger.
• When I start talking, he picks up his cell phone to check on things, and acts like he’s listening.  I know he's not.
• All of his friends warned me about him.
• He's emotionally closed and doesn't communicate with me.
• He’s 50+ years old and spends his weekends playing Xbox and eating Cheetos.
• He holds grudges and is unforgiving.
• He has no sense of adventure.  He never tries anything new, goes anyplace new, or makes new friends.  
• He’s always the loudest person in the room.
• He thinks a NASCAR race would be a great way to spend a romantic getaway weekend.

MY TOP 15 TURN-ONS

• He makes me laugh.
• He is positive, supportive, and encouraging.  He gives sound advice.
• He’s a go-getter but knows how to relax and have fun.  He has healthy boundaries with work time and personal time.
• He’s generous with everyone in his life.
• He tells me when he’s angry, hurt, or unhappy about something, and doesn’t hold it inside.
• He loves being outside and doing outdoorsy things.
• He keeps his promises and is loyal.
• We each have our separate friends, and also our “together” friends, and it’s all good.
• He likes to try new things – places, food, music, meeting new people.
• He is confident and secure, yet humble.  (This is a biggy for me.)
• He can cook!
• He is creative, smart, and expands my horizons.  He challenges me.
• He is spontaneous and loves to surprise me.
• He loves me for who I am, not for who he expects me to be.
• He is passionate about life, and about ME.

Okay, there you have it.  My "TURN-ON and TURN-OFF" lists. 

So, what things are on YOUR list???