Today I am forty-eight. That’s nearly five decades on this
planet! It’s a rather grown-up, adult-sounding age and number. It sounds really
old when I say it, but it doesn’t feel that old. It feels like I’m still a
giggly 16-year-old girl trapped in a much older body that doesn’t move quite
like it used to. It feels like life is moving so fast I cannot quite keep up. It
feels like I’ve entered “Act II” of my life and I’d better make every day
count.
I like being forty-eight. I’m sure some baby boomer has
coined a kitschy phrase like, “Forty-eight is the new twenty-eight” or some
such nonsense. But the truth is, being forty-eight is just fine with me. It
doesn’t have to be the new anything. It can just be forty-eight, in all it’s
glory.
At forty-eight, I don’t have the pressure of looking 25
years old anymore. I don’t have to ever look like a supermodel or movie star. After
all, women who are nearly fifty are supposed to have wrinkles and less than
perfect bodies, right? We’ve earned our wrinkles and stretch marks! I don’t
feel like I need to impress anyone anymore with my abilities, my knowledge, my
charm, my success, or my appearance. People can choose to like me or not, and
that’s fine. I’ve stopped needing the approval of others, which is a wonderful
gift. I know who I am, and more importantly, who I’m not. There are things I’m
good at, and there are things I will never do well. That’s okay. It’s who I am.
At forty-eight, I am far from perfect, but I like me. I like myself in all of
my imperfection. I’ve stopped trying to be perfect, and instead I try to be
authentic and real. And being a single woman with three children, real life
struggles, and a demanding career at forty-eight is very, very real.
I have realized many dreams in 48 years. I had the privilege
of growing up in a loving, supportive family, receiving a wonderful education,
playing tennis in high school and college, getting to sing all over the world
in amazing venues, and raising three incredible kids who are now in college. I’ve
had the opportunity to travel in my job, I am constantly learning new things, I
have had the privilege of recording CDs of original music I’ve written with our
band, and I celebrate loving, supportive relationships with the people in my
life who are most important to me. I have a job that allows me to pursue my
passions and to encourage others to connect with birds, nature, and with one
another. Lots of dreams have come true in my life. At forty-eight I am
grateful.
I’ve also experienced lots of pain and loss in my
forty-eight years, but I don’t spend much time looking in the rear-view mirror.
But lest you think my cheery smile is due to a carefree life of leisure, I
assure you, it is not. I’ve experienced multiple miscarriages and one
stillbirth, a violent physical abuse in my teenage years by someone I trusted,
health struggles, divorce, significant career changes, major financial
struggles, some very unique and challenging relationships, deep heartbreak that
left me in despair, some big, embarrassing mistakes, and like everyone, the
challenges of balancing career, family, and life. I own all of this. Some of
these things were the result of my choices, and some were just things that
happened. All of the pain and loss has shaped me, taught me, humbled me, and
helped me. I’ve cried many tears, faced many fears, and overcome many
obstacles. I’m sure there are more challenges ahead, but I’m thankful to have
survived this far and come through smiling. I’m happy because I choose to be,
not because life is easy.
At forty-eight I still have lots of dreams yet to be
realized. Dreams about many places I’d like to go, adventures, people I’d like
to meet and learn from, dreams of love and life and experience. I’d love to
climb a mountain, go deep sea diving, write a novel, write lots more music, become
a grandma some day, and see rare birds and wildlife in as many countries as
possible. I have dreams of seeing my children become the people they are meant
to be, and follow their own dreams and passions. I have dreams of growing old
with a partner I adore, with whom I can share the ups and downs, joys and
disappointments of life, someone who will dance with me in the rain and make me
laugh when I want to cry. I have dreams of being as healthy as I can be for as
long as I can be. I have dreams of giving and blessing others, and dreams of
improving the natural world around me. I dream of leaving this world much better
than I found it, and perhaps leaving each person I meet feeling a little stronger,
a little more confident, and a lot more loved.
At forty-eight, there is nothing I want or need that can be
bought in a store. What I want now revolves around the happiness and well being
of the people I love and the world I live in. I want to make a difference, even
in a small way, in this life. I want a simple, happy, purposeful life. Peace,
health, love, joy. What I want now is to pursue my passions, to fill my life
with inspiring people, and to keep learning and growing and changing. I want
everyone I love to be happy, healthy, and strong. I want my world to be free of
violence, crime, sickness, pain, and hate. I want to make my planet healthier
and happier. It’s really not complicated. Forty-eight is rather simple.
Whether I’m forty-eight, sixty-eight, or lucky enough to see
eighty-eight, I will always be most grateful for the people in my life.
Honestly, I feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world! Not because life is
so easy, but because I am so very loved. I have an amazing family, true friends
from all over the globe, a roof over my head, food in the fridge, and love,
passion, and forgiveness in my heart. The love of family and friends make life
worth living. Things don’t matter, people do.
At forty-eight, I think that maybe, just maybe, I’m finally
starting to get it. This is NOT a dress rehearsal. This is life, and it’s
happening NOW. I can live it or lose it. I can become bitter or better. I can
be brave, or I can quit. I can be happy or sad, full of joy or self-pity. At
forty-eight, I have choices every single day.
I wonder what my 48th year will hold! Many surprises and
challenges, successes and failures, no doubt. But I’m grateful to see another
birthday, another sunrise, another day to love and laugh. At forty-eight, every
day you wake up is a good day!
Thanks for being part of my life. I hope I get to spend the
next 48 years enjoying all of YOU!
