GETTING ORGANIZED! Part 1

GETTING ORGANIZED! 

Part 1 – Getting Ready

Spring is springing, and springtime is cleantime!  Do you have a garage, a closet, a car, some cabinets, drawers or a basement that are in desperate need of some organizing?  Is your “stuff” starting to manage you and take over your life?  Are the piles around you stressing you out?  Do you have trouble finding things when you need them?  Is there a room or closet in your house that you avoid altogether because it’s so cluttered?  Do you avoid entertaining at home because it’s just too disorganized for guests?  If you said “yes” to any of these questions, now is the time for action!  Let’s talk about some simple steps toward getting organized and staying that way.

Now lest you think I’m one of those people who spend hours of my life organizing and color-coding my sock drawer, I’m NOT.  I’m not a compulsive cleaner, and I would much rather spend my free time playing outside all day rather than cleaning my basement.  But I AM one of those people who is much more peaceful and happy when things at home are organized and in order.  My home will never be on a home magazine cover, but I do like it to look and feel inviting and uncluttered.  I also love helping other people get organized, and I have helped dozens of friends and family members get a handle on home organization over the years.  To me, being organized frees me to enjoy life and live in the moment.  It relieves stress and allows me to live more simply.  For me, organization equals peace.  My outer space is a reflection of my inner space, and it feels really good when both are in order.  My goal is life-balance, not perfection.

Let’s think about our approach to home organization in two main categories – big storage spaces and everyday living spaces.  What I call “big storage spaces” include spaces like your basement, your attic, and your garage.  These are spaces that can sometimes serve as a “catch all” space for a myriad of things, old and new.  Now, if you’ve lived in the same place for many years, your attic or basement might have some really great stuff in it!  Perhaps you’re holding on to items from old hobbies like macrame class or your jewelry-making phase.  Maybe you kept all of your children’s baby clothes, baby toys, baby teeth and hair from every haircut they had until they went to college.  And there’s that set of rooster dishes that your late grandma Ethel gave you, your ceramic reindeer collection with the light-up noses, and your dad’s lucky golf clubs that he won the club championship with back in the day.  You might have boxes or piles full of sentimental things like photos and yearbooks, your awards and ribbons from high school, your powder blue prom tux, or your record albums from the 70’s.  And don’t forget about that gigantic computer monitor and tower that you just can’t seem to part with, because you are certain that some poor person in a 3^rd world country would want that perfectly good Gateway computer system you purchased for nearly $8,000 in 1992.  Who knows, maybe slide projectors, 8 Track players, cassette answering machines and dot matrix printers just might make a huge comeback someday!  Part of the reason we let these big storage spaces go untouched is because we can’t decide what to keep and what to throw away.  Our “attic treasures” may not be important to anyone else, but they may represent years of life memories.  These treasures often connect us with important past events in our lives, or with people we love who have now passed on.  This blog post is going to focus on getting these “big storage spaces” organized, and will be part one of the “Getting Organized” series.

Getting Ready

Here are a few tips to help you as prepare to organize your “big space”.  Give yourself several days to prepare before you dive in to your project.  Things will go much more smoothly if you are well prepared!

·      Save the date.

Pick a day on your calendar that you will begin to organize your big space, and stick to it!  Don’t make any other commitments on that day, even though you’d probably rather do just about anything else.  It’s likely that your project will take more than just a few hours – in fact, it might take several days to complete.  You don’t have to give yourself a tight timeline to finish your project, but you definitely don’t want to plan any other big activities on the day you begin.

·      Recruit a few helpers.

You might be sensitive about having other people go through your things, which is perfectly understandable.  But having a young, strong assistant is a wonderful help when you are moving boxes, old furniture, and hauling items away for donation or disposal.  Try and recruit someone to help you with heavy lifting.  If you are a packrat by nature and you have a hard time getting rid of things, you should consider having someone you trust there to help you make the hard decisions regarding what to keep and what to throw away.  Projects like this are always more fun when you have a team of helpers!

·      Purchase some heavy-duty contractor bags.  These are inexpensive, and will be essential as you de-clutter your big space.

·      Get some storage containers – you’ll need ‘em!

If you plan to keep some of your “treasured” items in home storage after you get organized, you might want to consider investing in some large, plastic storage containers.  I recommend clear plastic containers so that you can see what’s inside even when they are stacked up.  (I also recommend using a numbered, catalogued system for your stored items, which we will talk more about later.)  If storage containers are not in your budget, consider visiting a local grocery store or liquor store and ask the manager if you can have some empty boxes.  If you work in an office, printer-paper boxes with lids also work very well for long-term storage.  These will be a great help to you during the organization process.

·      Get some labeling supplies.

Make sure you have index cards, sharpie markers and tape on hand.  This is an easy way to label boxes, storage containers and contractor bags. 

·      Wear a mask if you need it.

If you have a problem breathing around dust and mold like I do, make sure you wear a simple medical mask if you will be spending hours of time in dusty or moldy spaces.  These are only a few dollars, and can be purchased at any pharmacy or drug store.

·      Protect your hands and eyes.

If you’re going to be in contact with items that include grease or chemicals, make sure you wear protective gloves and goggles.  I helped a friend clean his garage once, and there were lots of poisonous substances we needed to remove, which was an unexpected surprise.

·      Call your municipality about the disposal of unique trash items.

If you will be getting rid of paint cans, old tires, batteries, computers or other items that you can’t put in your trash, contact your local municipality and find out the best way to dispose of these things.  My township has a day every spring when you can drop these things off at our local fire station, and they dispose of them for you.

·      Let there be light!

Garages, attics and basements are often poorly lit, so make sure you have plenty of light while you’re working.  Make plans to bring some temporary, additional lighting to these spaces, if needed.  These spaces can also become musty over time, so try to open windows and doors beforehand to offer some ventilation.

·      Crank up the music!

I love to work with music playing!  I seem to gravitate toward Motown music when I need to attack a “big space” project.  So grab your favorite music, speakers, and you can dance and sing your way to organization!

·      Plan your meals.

Try and plan your meals ahead of time on the day you’ll be starting your project.  Having lunch sandwiches prepared ahead of time and dinner in the crock pot will be a nice treat when you’re tired and hungry after a long day of hard, physical work.

·      Prepare yourself mentally for the big task.

This may sound a bit strange, but it can often be an unexpected emotional experience to rummage through a room full of sentimental items.  I’ve seen people burst into tears at the sight of a late spouse’s handwritten card, or as they find the clay mug their son made them for Mother’s Day.  Those items are obviously things you would want to keep!  I would not advise going through each individual photo or love letter on your big cleaning day.  Rather, save those in a storage container and go through them when you have time to savor a trip down memory lane.

·      Set clear goals.

Do you plan to just reorganize and clean your space, or do you want to simplify and get rid of things?  Remember, if your real goal is to simplify, you cannot allow yourself to keep everything that is cluttering your valuable “big space”.  Sometimes “stuff equals stress”.  Don’t be afraid to downsize.  Prepare to let go of items that are not essential.  A good rule of thumb is, if you haven’t used something at all in the past year or two, you probably won’t miss it. 

Now you’re ready to get started with your spring cleaning project!  Stay tuned for the next Wenshine blog post where I’ll share detailed, start-to-finish steps to help you get that big space organized, and keep it that way!

THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP IN MY LIFE

Someone asked me a very important question recently.  "What is the most important relationship in your life right now?"  If I had been asked this same question at age 16, 26 or 36, I would have given a different answer than I would give today, at 46.  I probably would have tried to say the right thing.  I would have talked about my relationships with my family, my children, God, my friends, and how these relationships are the foundation of my life’s happiness.  I might have repeated something that was actually someone else’s answer, something I read in a book or heard from a trusted authority.  I would have said something that sounded appropriate and good.

I’m sure that my friend was actually trying to ask if I was involved in a romantic relationship right now.  I am asked this same question quite often in different ways, and it doesn’t bother me at all.  Yet those of us who find ourselves “single” in this mid-life season are keenly aware that most of our friends and family have lives that revolve around a life partner.  They sometimes assume that all single people are desperately seeking love and fulfillment through another person.  I know many couples that are incredibly happy, in love, and compatible, and plan to be together for life.  I know many others who are together, but are very unhappy and incompatible.  They swing back and forth on the unstable pendulum of obligation and frustration.  I’ve personally experienced both ends of that spectrum.  Having a committed partner in life does not necessarily equate to happiness, although it’s wonderful when two people are truly right for each other and have a loving, supportive relationship.  But we all know that whether we are in easy or difficult relationships in our lives, they all require a great deal of effort and understanding.

Our culture is always pushing the “you’ll be happy when…” concept.  You’ll be happy when you find the love of your life.  You’ll be happy when you become a parent.  You’ll be happy when you finish your education.  You’ll be happy when you land that dream job or succeed in your career.  You’ll be happy when you have more money, pay off those bills, buy that dream house, when reach your health and fitness goals, when take that dream vacation or buy that very expensive toy you’ve always wanted.  You’ll be happy when you master that skill or hobby.  You’ll be happy when your kids are safely launched in the world, and everyone you love is happy and healthy.  You fill in the blank.  But if happiness is tied to something “out there” that is always just out of reach, it breeds discontentment.  If happiness always depends on our life circumstances or our romantic relationships, then it is very fragile indeed because those things are constantly changing.  This way of thinking actually makes the assumption that you’re not really living until that “thing” happens in your life.  Those of us who have not reached those milestones are just biding our time, creeping along toward our goals, waiting for the magic to begin.

So, what is the most important relationship in my life right now?  Great question.

 I wanted to answer this relationship question honestly, and I know that my answer was quite a surprise.  It surprised me too, actually.  My answer was one that has taken years of time for me to learn, and I needed to really know myself to answer it honestly.  The most important relationship I will ever have is the relationship I have with myself.  If I am at peace within myself, then I can be at peace with my world.  If I am struggling within myself, then all of life seems a struggle.  This is difficult concept for a "giver" extrovert like me, who has always drawn my happy energy from making others happy.  The things that motivate me are external.  Helping others reach their goals, providing events and experiences that make people happy, helping others solve problems and find solutions, reach their potential. I am a born performer, and I love applause. The more the merrier, in my world.  Big parties and big crowds equals big fun!  I am happiest when I have the privilege of bringing happiness to other people through work, music, events, and friendship.  I like making people’s lives better.  I am a born communicator and connector.  But people like me can get totally out of balance when we place more value on the relationships we have with others and their happiness than we do on our core relationship with ourselves.  Putting our needs first doesn’t come naturally for us, and in our pursuit of making the world a better place, we forget to make sure that WE are okay, too.  We forget to make time to be still and refuel.

There are many people who cannot relate to this concept at all.  I really admire these folks, because they are hardwired to naturally take care of themselves and their own personal world.  These “internally” motivated people are not too hung up on how everybody else is doing, but they are keenly aware of how things are in their internal universe.  What makes them most happy is not necessarily the happiness of everyone else, (although it matters), but having their own world in order, with plenty of time to do what they want and need to do.  These are the truly independent souls in the universe, those who do not live to please others or have the love and approval of the world around them.  They do their thing, and are happiest when they are doing it.  These are the self-actualizers, the sometimes-loners, the people who don’t necessarily need to be needed.  They also don’t necessarily need other people to make them happy – they can do that all on their own.  In fact, the very thought of being needed or having to meet the expectations of others is exhausting to them.  They prefer a few close friends to large groups of people, and they love their alone time.  I know many lovely people who are wired this way, and some of the people closest to me are like this, even several of my own children.  They are not selfish or uncaring, they are just motivated internally, not externally.

Ironically, I am learning that you cannot really love or help anyone else if you don’t love and take care of yourself.  And you cannot find that elusive “happiness” that feels just out of reach if you don’t find it within yourself to begin with.  Caring for your own needs doesn't make you selfish, it just keeps you grounded and balanced so that you can love the rest of the world, and live your life to the fullest.  I know so many people who have actually arrived at all of those “happiness” milestones, and they are still discontent.   They have it all, and yet they are not happy.  Why?  Because happiness isn’t actually “out there” at all.  It’s been right inside of us, all along.  

I will be the first to admit that successful circumstances, nice things and true love DOES add greatly to our happiness in life!  Those are things I want in my own life, too.  But if I am not in a right relationship with myself, then even these fulfilled dreams will leave me feeling empty in the end.  And conversely, if I am in right relationship with myself, then I don’t have to have all of my dreams fulfilled or perfect circumstances to be truly happy.  I can be happy in this moment, even if life today is less than ideal.

Who is the person we spend the most time with in our lives?  Ourselves. 

Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship of all.

To find out more about what truly motivates YOU, take this online quiz.  Be sure and share your results with me, and I'll share mine with you!  

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

UNPLUGGED - MY WENNY-ZENNY WEEKEND

MY UNPLUGGED, WENNY-ZENNY WEEKEND

In late February I realized that I was experiencing the signs of burnout, and had been for months.  This had actually been growing in me slowly for about nine months like an evil monster-baby in my belly, and I was starting to feel major labor pains.  That baby was coming, and there was no stopping it.  Have you ever felt that way?  Do you know what your burnout symptoms are?  There were many reasons for my impending burnout, but a few of them included a death in my extended family, a severe illness diagnosis in my family, unexpected major financial pressures, college and big life decisions for children, loneliness, working through the continual details of divorce, the long winter and delay of spring, struggle with next steps, the general pressures of work and family, and several other unresolved personal issues.  Sadly, I also have a few people in my world who feel resentment, jealousy and anger toward me, which I have no control over.  No matter what I do, for reasons beyond my control, I will not ever have their support or approval.  (Fortunately these people are not my family members – I have a very supportive family.)  I’m sure we all have dealt with one or two people like this in our lives at one time or another, and it’s so hard to cope with.  It’s that person who makes you feel sick inside at the very mention of their name.  I do my best to manage that communication in a mature and understanding way, but I don’t always handle it well.   So, a series of large and small jabs from a few of these people over months of time had taken a serious toll on me.  Sometimes “haters gonna hate”, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Burnout, for me, is different from huge tragedy and loss.  I’ve experienced both in my life.  Burnout is about lots of smaller things building over time, none of which, by itself, would necessarily cause burnout.  Things like the death of a parent, sibling, spouse or child, heartbreak over love that has been lost, personal illness, abuse, divorce, personal betrayal, financial devastation, or loss of a job are all huge tragedies that require that we move through all of the stages of grief toward healing.  That was not my situation this time, but the effects of real burnout are much the same as the effects of tragedy.  You find yourself in despair.

The signs of burnout are different for each of us, but some of mine are sleeplessness, a change in eating habits (I lose my appetite entirely), worry, anxiety, depression, not being able to relax or find joy in things, lack of concentration and focus, unrealistic fears, lack of passion about life, lack of creativity, lack of energy, feeling over emotional, feeling overwhelmed, and an overall feeling of hopelessness.  Sounds fun, doesn’t it!  I have just described someone I don’t even know, someone who does not even resemble the real me.  But that is honestly how I have felt for a long while, and it seemed to get worse with each passing month.  The “normal me” is someone who loves life, finds joy in nearly every experience, and grabs each day by the horns!  Most people who know me would describe me as positive and energetic.  But I honestly found myself waking up each morning and dreading the day ahead, which is totally out of character for me.  I’m also one of those people who can become physically sick when I’m under a lot of stress.  I could tell I was going to hit a physical and emotional wall if I didn’t take some kind of break.

Unfortunately my budget would not allow for a major vacation right now, or any kind of getaway at all.  My work and personal schedule would not allow for much time off right now, either.  I really needed a break, but how do you take the break you need without time and money?  And, of course, that stressed me out, too!  I was stressed because I couldn’t figure out how to de-stress! 

I realized that most of my days are spent almost entirely on a computer, and/or on my cell phone.  This is not unusual in our day and age, and most working people are just like me.  There are a million ways to communicate with the world these days:  Texting, calling, Facebooking, Tweeting, Face-Timing, Skyping, emailing through multiple accounts (I manage 5), and the list goes on and on.  These are all part of my every day life.  I decided to try and totally unplug from all of these things for a few days, and try to take a “mental health break” without ever leaving home.  After all, unplugging from all of those things might feel like visiting another planet!  But even this took some planning.  It involved more than just shutting off all of my devices for a few days.  We live in an era when people become irate or panicked if they cannot reach you the moment they try.  I know, because I feel that way sometimes!  So I spent a few days ahead of time letting everyone know that I would be “unplugging”, and not to be alarmed if they didn’t get an immediate response from me.  Everyone was very supportive, and my plan was all set.  I would have 4 full days in a row, totally unplugged.

Now for those of you who already live a simple life with minimal stress and communication with the outside world, this may sound strange to you.  But if you’re plugged into media mania every single day like I am, unplugging can be kind of a shock to your system.  The first day I had decided to take care of some personal business so I could be free to enjoy the rest of my unplugged weekend.  I spent the first day cleaning my condo, getting organized, and running lots of errands.  I also got a wonderful hour-long massage at my favorite local spa, and that was divine!  The second day, I attended a birding and nature event where I was serving as a volunteer.  (This was something I had committed to do long before I had planned my Wenny-Zenny Weekend, and was really fun.)  But I remained totally unplugged at the event that day, and found myself much more focused on actual people!  I noticed that I was living more in the moment, listening more, and thinking less about documenting the moment!  I was tempted over and over again to check my email, Facebook and text messages out of sheer habit, but I kept to my plan.  It was a lovely day spent with lovely people.  I was starting to relax.

The third day was even more simplified.  I spent the entire day with no incoming music, TV, or any kind of noise that was not generated by nature.  No dings or beeps or ring tones.  No talking heads or loud voices selling things.  This was such a relaxing experience for me.  I was by myself, and I spent the entire day writing, reading, writing music, hiking, and letting myself just think and be.  That night I came home and took time to think through the steps I need to take in dealing with a specific struggle I’m having.  Identifying this problem and finding answers was so much easier after several days of being unplugged.  It’s kind of like the difference between looking at stars while standing in the glow of a big city, vs. looking at those same stars when you’re way out in the country.  You’re looking at the same night sky, but from a different vantage point.  Everything was much clearer and brighter in my calm, unplugged universe. 

The final day was my favorite.  We finally got a small break in our winter weather here, and we had a sunny, 55 degree day here in Northwest Ohio on the last day of March.  (That’s bikini weather compared to what we’ve had this winter!)  So I spent the entire day outside, hiking, birding, and visiting all of my favorite parks and marshes on this side of Ottawa County.  I went to eight different spots and explored them all, taking great delight in the signs of spring that are slowly developing around us.  I soaked it all in – the sunshine, the wildlife and the sounds and smells of the outdoors - and I reconnected with the natural world around me.  My  unplugged, “Wenny-Zenny Weekend” experiment was a life changing experience, and I’m so glad I did it.  It was my own personal intervention to save myself from real burnout.

Tuesday was a heck of a re-entry day, I’m not gonna lie!  I felt like I jumped back on a freight train running at full speed.  I’m gearing up for a big event with my job this weekend, and I had a huge day on Tuesday trying to catch up on all of the communication I had silenced over the weekend.  But I feel much more balanced, more at peace, more centered.  I took my time today.   Even though the freight train had not slowed down one bit, I felt I was driving the train rather than having the train drive me.  It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way.  That underlying feeling of heartache and feeling overwhelmed is still there, actually.  I can still feel it, and it still needs attention and monitoring.  I'm not totally out of the woods yet.  Unfortunately I didn’t return to real life having all of my problems solved, with a total carefree outlook.  But it’s not overpowering me like it was just a few days ago.  Somehow, part of me stayed in that calm, “unplugged” place.  I think that is the secret to finding balance in my busy, stressful life.  The deepest places in my soul need to stay unplugged and protected from the rat race.

There's a song on our most recent Rain Crows CD that I co-wrote and sing, called Tiny Spirit.  This song captures the heart of my weekend, and kept running through my brain as I was unwinding.  It was written over two years ago about a similar experience, because this seems to be a recurring theme in my life!   If you would like to listen to Tiny Spirit, please follow this link and scroll down to the MP3 file called "Tiny Spirit".  And while you're there, listen to some other songs, too!

Listen to The Rain Crows

I guess there are no guarantees in life.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring?   But I feel like I might just avoid my impending burnout after all.