MY UNPLUGGED, WENNY-ZENNY WEEKEND
In late February I realized that I was experiencing the signs of burnout, and had been for months. This had actually been growing in
me slowly for about nine months like an evil monster-baby in my belly, and I
was starting to feel major labor pains. That
baby was coming, and there was no stopping it.
Have you ever felt that way? Do
you know what your burnout symptoms are?
There were many reasons for my impending burnout, but a few of them included a
death in my extended family, a severe illness diagnosis in my family,
unexpected major financial pressures, college and big life decisions for
children, loneliness, working through the continual details of divorce, the long
winter and delay of spring, struggle with next steps, the general
pressures of work and family, and several other
unresolved personal issues. Sadly, I
also have a few people in my world who feel resentment, jealousy and anger
toward me, which I have no control over.
No matter what I do, for reasons beyond my control, I will not ever have
their support or approval. (Fortunately
these people are not my family members – I have a very supportive family.) I’m sure we all have dealt with one or two people
like this in our lives at one time or another, and it’s so hard to cope with. It’s that person who makes you feel sick
inside at the very mention of their name. I do my best to manage that communication in a
mature and understanding way, but I don’t always handle it well. So, a series of large and small jabs from a
few of these people over months of time had taken a serious toll on me. Sometimes “haters gonna hate”, and there’s
nothing you can do about it.
Burnout, for me, is different from huge tragedy and
loss. I’ve experienced both in my
life. Burnout is about lots of smaller things
building over time, none of which, by itself, would necessarily cause
burnout. Things like the death of a
parent, sibling, spouse or child, heartbreak over love that has been lost,
personal illness, abuse, divorce, personal betrayal, financial devastation, or
loss of a job are all huge tragedies that require that we move through all of
the stages of grief toward healing. That
was not my situation this time, but the effects of real burnout are much the
same as the effects of tragedy. You find yourself in despair.
The signs of burnout are different for each of us, but some
of mine are sleeplessness, a change in eating habits (I lose my appetite
entirely), worry, anxiety, depression, not being able to relax or find joy in
things, lack of concentration and focus, unrealistic fears, lack of passion
about life, lack of creativity, lack of energy, feeling over emotional, feeling
overwhelmed, and an overall feeling of hopelessness. Sounds fun, doesn’t it! I have just described someone I don’t even
know, someone who does not even resemble the real me. But that is honestly how I have felt for a
long while, and it seemed to get worse with each passing month. The “normal me” is someone who loves life,
finds joy in nearly every experience, and grabs each day by the horns! Most people who know me would describe me as
positive and energetic. But I honestly found
myself waking up each morning and dreading the day ahead, which is totally out
of character for me. I’m also one of
those people who can become physically sick when I’m under a lot of
stress. I could tell I was going to hit
a physical and emotional wall if I didn’t take some kind of break.
Unfortunately my budget would not allow for a major vacation
right now, or any kind of getaway at all.
My work and personal schedule would not allow for much time off right
now, either. I really needed a break,
but how do you take the break you need without time and money? And, of course, that stressed me out, too! I was stressed because I couldn’t figure out
how to de-stress!
I realized that most of my days are spent almost entirely on
a computer, and/or on my cell phone.
This is not unusual in our day and age, and most working people are just
like me. There are a million ways to
communicate with the world these days: Texting,
calling, Facebooking, Tweeting, Face-Timing, Skyping, emailing through multiple
accounts (I manage 5), and the list goes on and on. These are all part of my every day life. I decided to try and totally unplug from all
of these things for a few days, and try to take a “mental health break” without
ever leaving home. After all, unplugging
from all of those things might feel like visiting another planet! But even this took some planning. It involved more than just shutting off all
of my devices for a few days. We live in
an era when people become irate or panicked if they cannot reach you the moment
they try. I know, because I feel that
way sometimes! So I spent a few days ahead
of time letting everyone know that I would be “unplugging”, and not to be
alarmed if they didn’t get an immediate response from me. Everyone was very supportive, and my plan was all
set. I would have 4 full days in a row, totally
unplugged.
Now for those of you who already live a simple life with minimal
stress and communication with the outside world, this may sound strange to you. But if you’re plugged into media mania every
single day like I am, unplugging can be kind of a shock to your system. The first day I had decided to take care of
some personal business so I could be free to enjoy the rest of my unplugged
weekend. I spent the first day cleaning
my condo, getting organized, and running lots of errands. I also got a wonderful hour-long massage at
my favorite local spa, and that was divine!
The second day, I attended a birding and nature event where I was serving as a volunteer. (This was something I had committed to do
long before I had planned my Wenny-Zenny Weekend, and was really fun.) But I remained totally unplugged at the event
that day, and found myself much more focused on actual people! I noticed that I was living more in the
moment, listening more, and thinking less about documenting the moment! I was tempted over and over again to check my
email, Facebook and text messages out of sheer habit, but I kept to my
plan. It was a lovely day spent with
lovely people. I was starting to relax.
The third day was even more simplified. I spent the entire day with no incoming
music, TV, or any kind of noise that was not generated by nature. No dings or beeps or ring tones. No talking heads or loud voices selling
things. This was such a relaxing
experience for me. I was by myself, and
I spent the entire day writing, reading, writing music, hiking, and letting
myself just think and be. That night I
came home and took time to think through the steps I need to take in dealing
with a specific struggle I’m having.
Identifying this problem and finding answers was so much easier after
several days of being unplugged. It’s
kind of like the difference between looking at stars while standing in the glow
of a big city, vs. looking at those same stars when you’re way out in the
country. You’re looking at the same
night sky, but from a different vantage point.
Everything was much clearer and brighter in my calm, unplugged universe.
The final day was my favorite. We finally got a small break in our winter
weather here, and we had a sunny, 55 degree day here in Northwest Ohio on the
last day of March. (That’s bikini
weather compared to what we’ve had this winter!) So I spent the entire day outside, hiking,
birding, and visiting all of my favorite parks and marshes on this side of
Ottawa County. I went to eight different
spots and explored them all, taking great delight in the signs of spring that
are slowly developing around us. I
soaked it all in – the sunshine, the wildlife and the sounds and smells of the
outdoors - and I reconnected with the natural world around me. My
unplugged, “Wenny-Zenny Weekend” experiment was a life changing
experience, and I’m so glad I did it. It
was my own personal intervention to save myself from real burnout.
Tuesday was a heck of a re-entry day, I’m not gonna
lie! I felt like I jumped back on a
freight train running at full speed. I’m
gearing up for a big event with my job this weekend, and I had a huge day on
Tuesday trying to catch up on all of the communication I had silenced over the
weekend. But I feel much more balanced,
more at peace, more centered. I took my
time today. Even though the freight train had not slowed
down one bit, I felt I was driving the train rather than having the train drive
me. It’s been a long time since I’ve
felt that way. That underlying feeling
of heartache and feeling overwhelmed is still there, actually. I can still feel it, and it still needs
attention and monitoring. I'm not totally out of the woods yet. Unfortunately
I didn’t return to real life having all of my problems solved, with a total
carefree outlook. But it’s not overpowering
me like it was just a few days ago.
Somehow, part of me stayed in that calm, “unplugged” place. I think that is the secret to finding balance
in my busy, stressful life. The deepest
places in my soul need to stay unplugged and protected from the rat race.
There's a song on our most recent Rain Crows CD that I co-wrote and sing, called Tiny Spirit. This song captures the heart of my weekend, and kept running through my brain as I was unwinding. It was written over two years ago about a similar experience, because this seems to be a recurring theme in my life! If you would like to listen to Tiny Spirit, please follow this link and scroll down to the MP3 file called "Tiny Spirit". And while you're there, listen to some other songs, too!
I guess there are no guarantees in life. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? But I feel like I might just avoid my
impending burnout after all.
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