Wenshine: SURVIVOR 2014!

Wenshine: SURVIVOR 2014!: It’s nearing the end of 2014, with only 5 days left.   If you know me at all, you know I’m usually all Polyanna, sunsh...

SURVIVOR 2014!

It’s nearing the end of 2014, with only 5 days left.  If you know me at all, you know I’m usually all Polyanna, sunshine and rainbows.  I look on the bright side.  I’m a “cup is half full” kinda gal.  I’m one of the happy people, one of the positive people, and a genuine optimist.  But I can honestly say that I’ve never been so glad to see a year come to an end, as I am this one. 

It wasn’t any one tragedy that defined this year for me.  In fact, it was the first year in a long while where there wasn’t a big life change or loss in my life.  Perhaps that’s why it was such a challenge.  I moved out of survival mode and into the murky trenches.  And in the trenches I stayed, for 12 full months, in one form or another.  I camped out on the frontlines, with mud, mess, hand to hand combat, hand grenades, and constant gunfire.  I was in a war, and felt like I was losing it most of the time.  I won’t bore you with the play-by-play, because what happened is really not that important, and the reasons are not that important either.  I experienced both internal and external struggles that were overwhelming for me, and life simply would not let up.  I fought through it one day at a time, and was both a coward and a hero, depending on the day.  The point is, I SURVIVED.  (Cue Gloria Gaynor music for chick anthem.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNDl41HfvxI 

I wrote a song in 2011 that turned out to be much more meaningful for me in 2014.  This is the chorus:  

"And I will face the day and rise with courage

And keep pressing on 'till I find peace of mind

Learning to forgive, and know for certain

That love will carry me to the other side

And I know pain is never wasted on the wise." 

That speaks more about who I hope to become than who I actually am, but it is what I'm striving for.   Pain and struggle will make us bitter, or it will make us better, and we get to decide which person we become as a result of hardship in our lives.  I’m working to become a better person as a result of this year of struggle.  I don’t want this pain to be wasted, but instead, to learn everything I can from it so that I don’t repeat it again.

There are life lessons that cannot be learned in the sunshine, but only in the rain.  I learned lots of important things this year.  Some are lessons I thought I had learned already, but apparently I needed a total PHD in a few areas, not just an undergrad degree.

If you had a challenging year like I did, I pray that we all find ourselves better, stronger, and clearer than we were before.

Here is my "Top 25 Things I Learned in 2014".  I hope you make your own list too, and share it with me.  Let's celebrate the lessons learned, and look forward new beginning in 2015!

 

1.     I can be alone without being lonely, because I actually enjoy my own company.

2.     What other people say or think about me is none of my business.  What I think about myself, and what I say to myself is what matters most.

3.     Do not ever, under any circumstances, ignore your gut feelings.  They are usually spot-on.

4.     If you need help, ask for it.  Everyone needs help from time to time, and it’s okay to let the ones who love you know how you are, and how they can help you.

5.     Conflict reveals the true character in people.  How someone behaves under extreme stress, loss, failure and pressure reveals who they really are.  Everyone is pleasant in the sunshine, but who people are in the storms of life shows the stuff they are truly made of.

6.     The folks who are with you in the storms are your true friends.  The identity of your true friends just may surprise you.

7.     Everyone faces storms at one time or another.  If they don’t, they’re lying, or they are sociopathic.  (Either way, it’s not good.)

8.     Never allow your day-to-day happiness be determined by the happiness, approval, or decisions of another person.  No one can make you happy but YOU, and no one can make you unhappy unless you let them.

9.     Actions speak louder than words.  Words are important, but mean little if actions do not back them up.

10. We waste a lot of time comparing ourselves to others, but the truth is, most people know even less about what they’re doing in life than you do.  Live your life, take chances, and go for it.  Nobody’s got this life thing totally wired, we’re all winging it.  If people think they’ve got their “shizz” totally together, they are faking it.  I've got zero time for fake people, life’s too short.

11. Don’t spend time with people who make you feel crappy.  Just don’t.  Energy vampires do not get to rent a room in your boarding house.  Kick them out.

12. Get up, get dressed, and get moving.  No matter what. 

13. It’s never too late to start over.

14.  Fear is a tranquilizer gun that paralyzes you.  Face that 3-headed monster head-on, because you have everything within you that you need to defeat it.   It’s like the Wizard Of Oz behind the curtain.  The things you are most afraid of are much smaller than you can possibly imagine. Most fears are irrational, and 99.9% of them never come to pass.

15. If something (or someone) enriches your life, find a way to GET MORE OF THAT!  Make room for the things and people that feed your soul and bring you joy.

16. Whatever you expected to happen won’t happen at all like you expected it to.  In fact, sometimes it’s completely off the map.

17. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be broken.  Roll with it.

18. Every day is a blank page, and we get to write our own story.  Develop your leading character - that's you!  We can reinvent ourselves again and again.

19. If you’re not the starring role in your own life story, something is TOTALLY out of whack.  No one should be a supporting actor in their own life story.  Don’t give up your leading role to anybody else.  It’s YOUR life.

20. Mind, body, soul and spirit are completely connected.  If one area is unwell or exhausted, it affects all other areas.  Balance is the key to complete health.

21. Keeping secrets, even for the greater good, is toxic, unhealthy, demeaning, and destroys your self-esteem.  Do your best to live above the secret zone.  

22. Anything worthwhile is never, ever going to be easy.   If something is easily gained, it’s probably not worth having.  Fight hard for the things that are worth fighting for.

23. The first step to knowing what you want is learning what you DON’T want.  Determine exactly what you DON'T want, and the things you DO want will begin to take shape.

24.  It is very possible to get the flu just in time for Christmas when you are supposed to host your family for Christmas dinner.  Refer to #16 & #17 when this happens.

25. No one can drive forward successfully while staring in the rear-view mirror.  YOUR PAST DOES NOT DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE.  Eyes forward, keep moving.

The best is yet to come.

 

 

Wenshine: JOURNEYS, JOYS, AND RECONNECTIONS

Wenshine: JOURNEYS, JOYS, AND RECONNECTIONS: I moved a lot when I was growing up.    I lived in Nashville, TN, Peoria, IL, Memphis, TN and Houston, TX, and I attended 10 differ...

JOURNEYS, JOYS, AND RECONNECTIONS

I moved a lot when I was growing up.   I lived in Nashville, TN, Peoria, IL, Memphis, TN and Houston, TX, and I attended 10 different schools during my 12 years of elementary and secondary education.  This offered me a great opportunity to learn the art of making new friends, adjusting to new environments, and embracing change.  I’m someone who loves adventure, new experiences, and constant change.  In fact, even as an adult, I get stir crazy after spending even a few days at home.  I’m grateful for the life I had growing up, and for the opportunity to have lived in so many interesting places.  I’m thankful that my parents provided me with unique opportunities to explore music, sports, education, and culture.  I am thankful to have been raised by creative, open-minded, well-educated parents who understood how very much I needed to experience the wide world around me.

I’m also grateful for the wonderful friends I’ve had the privilege of knowing throughout my life.  Thanks to social media, I’ve been able to reconnect with friends from all of the places I’ve lived in throughout my nearly 47 years of life.  If you are a person who lived in the same house, grew up in the same town, and attended the same school all of your life, you probably can’t relate to this need for people connection.  For you, your connection with people is rooted in the constant "place" where you grew up, and it may be something you’ve always taken for granted.  But for me, home means people, not place.  I felt completely at home in every house and city I ever lived in, but it always felt temporary to me, but the people in my life never felt temporary.   I knew then that I was bonding with very special people.  But I know now that I never allowed myself to emotionally settle in any particular place or location, which I'm finding is very uncommon.  Maybe I knew instinctively that I wouldn't be there forever. 

I moved to a new school nearly every year during my formative years.  I lived in 10 different houses (and my mom made them all incredibly beautiful and comfortable for our family with her gifts of decorating, cooking, entertaining, and hospitality).  I have precious memories from each and every place I’ve lived.  Unfortunately, I lost touch with many dear friends over time.  However, with the advent of the internet, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and many other social media channels, I have experienced the unexpected gift of friendship reconnection.  I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to reconnect with the girl who sat beside you in the first grade, with your pee-wee cheer squad girlfriends, with your tennis team, with your high school choir director, with your sorority sisters, and with the boy who took you to the senior prom.  

Even though we were just kids growing up in middle class America in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, we made a connection with each other.  We were a chapter in each other’s “story”, for a season.  We made lots of wonderful memories, some BIG, funny mistakes, and had a really great time growing up together.  Every one of these people that I’ve had the honor of reconnecting with is someone I am privileged to call my friend today.  Although life has presented a wide range of challenges for all of us, each of these old/new friends is truly amazing.  They are married, single, gay, straight, raising kids, rescuing pets, volunteering, they own their own businesses, they are investing in careers that matter to them, preaching, teaching, leading their communities, thriving in business, caring for the people in their lives, creating music and art, coaching sports – they are all following their passions.  They are great parents, spouses, children to aging parents, and are close to their siblings.  Some of them are now widowed, battling chronic and terminal illnesses, have lost children, jobs, and have gone through the pain of divorce.  Some are dealing with wayward adult children, disappointment, the loss of parents,  death of siblings, family suicide, depression, loneliness, infertility, the loss of love, and are working to pick up the broken pieces of life.  It is an incredible gift to pick up with someone and re-enter their life story after a 25 to 30 year gap in communication.  And with most of these lovely friends, it’s as if no time at all has passed.  I am proud of these hundreds of friends, who are ALL positive, creative, generous human beings.  You haven’t let the challenges of life conquer you, you’ve risen above them, and you keep fighting the good fight.

So, here’s to reconnecting with the people that matter!  Thanks for your opening your lives and hearts again to me, and for your life-long friendships.  You truly inspire me with your love, your lives, and your laughter. 

This post is lovingly dedicated, to the thousands of students, teachers, coaches and friends who were part of my life from 1974 to 1990, at the following schools:  Mt. Juliet Elementary, Bartlett Elementary, Woodbrook Elementary, Ellendale Elementary, Altruria Elementary, Bartlett Elementary (again), Shadowlawn Middle School, Briarcrest High School, Klein High School, Belmont University, and Middle Tennessee State University. 

LETTING GO - The 30 Day Countdown

As I write this, there are only 30 days left in 2014. 

After surviving a very intense and challenging year in my personal life, (can I get a witness??!!) I've been experiencing a life-theme of "Letting Go" for several weeks now.  Rather than focusing on what I need to add to my life to be whole and happy, and focusing on what's missing, I've been thinking about what I can subtract, what I can give up to make room for better things.  Rather than asking myself "What do I want and need", I've been asking myself the question, "What can I live without and let go of?"  I just finished writing a new song rooted in the "Letting Go" theme last week, and I was in the midst of writing a blog post tonight entitled "30 Day Countdown - Things To Let Go Of Before The New Year". 

Well, as fate would have it, I received a link to another blog post tonight while I was in the process of writing mine, entitled "30 Things To Let Go Of Before The New Year".  Freaky coincidence?  I don't think so.  I don't believe in coincidences.  I stopped in my tracks and read this blog.  It said everything I wanted to say, and much more.  It was as if I had a some kind of psychic scribe who read my heart and mind, and delivered this powerful message to me, already penned and wrapped up in a bow.

This particular blog is not a blog I've ever read before tonight, so I can't officially recommend it, and I know nothing about the author.  However, I certainly do recommend this blog post!  I'll definitely be back for more.  I've never "re-blogged" anything before, but this is worth sharing.

 

So, here is "30 Things To Let Go Of Before The New Year"!  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/11/30/30-things-to-let-go-of-before-the-new-year/