WHOOOOO ARE YOU?

WHOOOOO ARE YOU?

Is the song by The Who now ringing in your ears?  It's a great song and a great question.  Who are you?  The older I get, it seems that knowing who I am is key to knowing what I want and where I want to go.  As Shakespeare said, "know thyself".  It's the secret to knowing everything else, really.  Believe it or not, who you are is more important than what you do.  Most of us have it backwards.  We think that what we do defines who we are, but in truth, it's the other way around.

The real key to self-awareness is honesty.  Being honest with ourselves is much harder than we think.  There's the image of us that we have in our own heads, (how we see ourselves), and then there's the version of us that's the real one (how others see us).  It's usually the people closest to us, who love us, that are brave enough to hold up the mirror to help us see ourselves accurately.  It's painful to see ourselves as we really are, but it is is important in our personal growth.  If there are things about us that we want to change, understanding and accepting our strengths and weaknesses is critical to our success.  Understanding our basic personality helps guide our decisions about work, relationships, and life.  Most of us spend all of our time looking upward, outward, and even downward, but rarely inward.

Most humans fall into one of four personality categories, although we tend to be combinations of two primary categories.  I've seen these presented lots of ways, through personality profile tests, in the form of animal names, and so on.  But I was thinking about the people I know who fit these categories, and what their actual victories and struggles in life really are.  I informally interviewed several close friends in each of these categories, and this is what they shared with me.  I promised them I would not share their names, so they were very candid with me!

Type 1 - THE GUARDIANS

According to self-professed Guardians, they spend most of their time and energy trying to keep their worlds in order and their ducks in a row.  They are driven by expectation, fear, pressure, and "have-to".  They are ultra-responsible, take care of everyone and everything around them, are secretly terrified of making mistakes, and expect perfection from themselves and others, although they don't admit this easily.  They are superstars and super performers, and they work very hard to achieve it.  Their lives are visibly together, and they are admired by most of the people in their world.  However, they rarely experience real happiness or peace, and have a difficult time relaxing and turning their brains off.  When they love, they love cautiously and fearfully.  They make excellent teachers, coaches, students, accountants, military leaders, civic leaders, police officers, and business leaders.  They need to know what the rules are, and don't mind enforcing them.  They bring out the best performance in everyone around them and seem to have limitless energy.  They struggle with being judgmental and seeing everything in black and white terms.  They don't understand people who don't do what they're "supposed" to do, and have little tolerance for people that cannot keep up with them.  They often lead with intensity and have high expectations of themselves and others.  They are viewed by others as being highly successful, accomplished, but rarely feel that way about themselves.  They are bright, creative, talented, forceful, persuasive, and are the "doers" of society.  They can be very fun and loving, but they tend to categorize their lives and their time, and don't often mix business and pleasure.  Work is work, and they sometimes approach "play" as work, too.  Their hobbies often require as much time, discipline, and energy as their jobs do.  They have lofty goals and often reach them at a great sacrifice, but they always feel it's worth it in the end.  They get great satisfaction by marking things off of their "list", and they have mental lists for most everything.  They are very hard on themselves, and struggle with guilt and forgiveness more than the other types.  They connect their personal value and self esteem with their performance, and give much weight to how they are perceived by others.  They are highly competitive.  Key questions:  What do you like most about yourself?  I am a leader, I work hard, I get things done, and I make sure things are done correctly.  What do you like least about yourself?  I'm a perfectionist, I am impatient, I struggle with being in control, and and I cannot seem to relax and be happy.  My friends and family tell me that I often come across as harsh and critical, although I don't mean to.

Type 2 - THE CONNECTORS

Connectors were the most fun to talk to, because they are the most social personality type. They are always trying to connect with the people and world around them.  They are excellent communicators and often err on the side of over communication.  They often say much more than is necessary.  They are very entertaining, the life of the party, and have never met a stranger.  Experience is everything to the Connector, and they dive in and tackle life with little fear and great passion.  They usually have a big picture view, and are not detail oriented (which drives the Type 1 folks crazy).  They adapt well to change, they look on the bright side, they give themselves the freedom to fail and to learn from their mistakes.  The most important things in life to them are experience, love, and happiness. They consider all of life a lesson and a journey, and want to have as much fun and meet as many people along the way as possible.  They are primarily motivated by positivity, both internal and external, and are often led by their emotions.  When they are discouraged, they experience deep depression and despair.  They love easily, deeply, passionately, and with complete abandon, holding nothing back.  When they are happy, they are over the moon with joy.  When they are sad, they wallow in the depths of despair.  They deal mainly in extremes.  Their life motto is, "Work hard, play harder."  They do not respond well to criticism or negativity, and this can often be their undoing.  They are inspirational, and they lead by relationship and example.  They often have an idealistic and unrealistic view of themselves, others, and the world, and are more resilient than other personality types.  They are charming, captivating, engaging, inspiring, entertaining, and are true "people persons".  They love big groups, and are always up for anything.  They hate being alone, and their biggest fear is being in a boring job or surrounded by boring people. They say yes to as much as possible, often over commit themselves, and have a hard time saying no.  Key questions:  What do you like most about yourself?  I'm fun, I'm happy, I embrace life!  What do you like least about yourself?  I'm not good with details, I tend to overreact emotionally, I avoid conflict and anything negative, and I let the feelings of others have too much power over me.  I have a hard time maintaining balance in my life.

Type 3 - THE PASSIVES

The passives are the most difficult to understand, primarily because they have the least interest in understanding themselves or the world around them.  They are the least comfortable with communicating, but my sweet friends were very patient with me and allowed me pull this information out of them!  These are the Phlegmatics, the people who just want to be left alone to live their lives in peace.  Their whole goal in life is peace and comfort.  They are excellent peacemakers and negotiators because they never get emotionally involved.  They tend to go through the motions of life, and only put forth real effort with things that are extremely important to them (and those things are very few).  They give little thought to why they make the choices they make, and never over analyze things - this is nonsense to them, and a waste of time.  They are generally conformists, they don't share their opinions, and they don't make waves, but they can be stubborn when pushed.  They do not care what others think, and give little weight to public opinion.  They are easily satisfied, and high maintenance people annoy them.  There hate extravagance, and they are moderate in all things.  Nothing in their lives would be viewed as "extreme".  They are not selfish, nor are they overly giving, but they want everyone in their world to be at peace. They despise conflict, drama, and anything that seems unnecessary.  In a group project, they are the people who like to follow, and to be told clearly what is expected of them.  They do their work quietly without fanfare or need of approval.  They dislike change, and often stay in jobs and relationships for a lifetime.  They are great at compromise.  They have an "I don't really care" attitude about most things, and the truth is, they really don't.  They go to the same restaurants, order the same food, shop at the same stores, and have the same friends all of their lives. They love easily but not usually very deeply, because that would require too much of them emotionally.  Key questions:  What do you like most about yourself?  I'm happy, I'm a good person, I go to work, I don't cheat or gamble, I pay my taxes, and I don't get mixed up in other people's drama.  What do you like least about yourself?  I have a hard time staying motivated and finishing tasks on time.  I have not reached my potential in my career, and I don't really understand why.  I have projects that Ive been working on for years that never seem to get done.  I hate being micromanaged, and don't respond well to pressure or pushy people.

Type 4 - THE INDEPENDENT SEEKERS

This type of person was the most fascinating for me to talk to, because they know a lot about most everything.  They are the self actualizers, the truly independent souls of the world.  They enjoy their own company and the company of a few select others, but would admit that they are not "people-persons".   Huge groups of people and parties are exhausting for them, and group events often take time away from the things they enjoy most.  They thrive in solitude, in study, in creativity, and are often extremely gifted in the arts and writing.  They love deeply and truly, but not easily, and with great caution.  They are good at self analysis, but not always good at analyzing others or the circumstances around them.  These folks are usually so wrapped up in their own fascinating projects that they are sometimes the "last to know" concerning actual circumstances surrounding them.  They have the ability to focus on a single thing, and to shut the rest of the world out completely.  When they love, they are extremely loyal, sometimes to a fault.  They consider trust to be of the utmost importance in all relationships.  But once trust is broken, it is rarely restored. When they make a commitment they always keep their word, and are extremely dependable.  They are often late for appointments, deadlines, are rather disorganized and scattered, but they chalk this up to marching to the beat of a different drummer, which is how they have always lived their lives.  They are very competitive and love to win.  These folks love to learn, to seek, to investigate, to teach, to dig deep into the bowels of the hows and whys of the physical world, but not necessarily the emotional world.  They prefer to deal in concrete realities rather than emotions.  They are realists.  When they are hurt, they have a hard time letting go, and they never forget it.  They live in a state of real peace and contentment most of the time, as long as they can do what they love with little interruption or conflict.  They are usually more intelligent than most, and have a hard time connecting with people who cannot keep up intellectually.  They do not like to pretend, to play games, to sugar coat things, and they don't need the same social stimulation as the other types.  They have niche interests and are frequently experts in their fields of interest.  They gravitate toward people with similar interests, and those with different interests are completely boring to them.  Key questions:  What do you like most about yourself?  I love pursuing my passions, interests, and hobbies, and spending time perfecting these things.  I love setting goals and reaching them, and this is what motivates me.  I love to learn!  What do you like least about yourself?  I would rather manage projects than people, and I am not always intuitive or sensitive to others, according to the people closest to me.  (This group had the least to say about what they disliked about themselves.  They were more content with themselves than any of the other types, but not at all arrogant.  They seemed to have the healthiest level of self confidence.)

So, there you have it!  The Guardians, the Connectors, the Passives, and the Independent Seekers.  I'm sure we see ourselves in more than one category, and we are all looking to grow, change, and become better people over time.

SO, I will leave you with the same question I started with:  WHOOOO ARE YOU?  I'd love to know!    And I'll let you guess which type I am, while you're at it.