Monday, March 9, 2015

TURN OFFS & TURN ONS! A lighthearted look at dating in the 'Middle Ages'

I never dreamed I'd be single at 47, but life is quite an adventure, and life is good!  Someone asked me recently what my "type" of partner was.  My immediate reply was, "NOT a jerk!".  I guess I'm more sure about what I don't want than what I do want.  After all, figuring out what you want sometimes begins with realizing what you don't want, right?
Although I'm a red blooded female, I've never really given much thought to "types".  But it got me thinking about what I've learned about myself, and what things are particular "turn-ons" and "turn-offs" for me.  I'm not talking here about physical traits, but character traits.  I suppose we all have an image of our ideal mate, and also have a mental list of "deal-breaker" behaviors in another person.  Have you ever actually listed them before?  I took a stab at it, and thought I'd share my lists with you.  I'm sure this list says a lot about me, so please be gentle - ha!

Men, I'm not speaking for all women here, just for myself.  Ladies, you may or may not agree with this list.  To each his (or her) own.  I hope that guys and gals alike will send me your lists as well!   Who knows, your #1 pet peeve might be 'People who write stupid blogs about their turn-offs and turn-ons'.  If so, please accept my apologies, and delete-delete-delete!

So, with very little thought, and right out of the the top of my head, here is my TOP 15 TURN-OFFS AND TURN-ONS in a significant other.  (I'm using the pronoun "he" because I happen to be a hetero female.  You can plug in your own pronoun.)

MY TOP 15 TURN-OFFS
  • He’s a conspiracy theorist. 
  • He talks endlessly about himself but never asks me about me.
  • He has a drunk alter-ego.
  • His favorite movies are Vin Diesel and Steven Segal films.
  • His only hobbies involve television or computers.
  • He uses poor grammar.
  • He is negative and has issues with everything and everybody.
  • He flirts with other women and is a 'playa'.  (Oh h*ll to the no.)
  • His former girlfriend is hurt, dead, or missing.
  • He’s unreliable and/or dishonest.
  • When dealing with conflict he errs on the side of being harsh rather than being kind.
  • He cannot control his anger.
  • When I start talking, he picks up his cell phone to check on things, and acts like he’s listening.  I know he's not.
  • All of his friends warned me about him.
  • He's emotionally closed and doesn't communicate with me.
  • He’s 50+ years old and spends his weekends playing Xbox and eating Cheetos.
  • He holds grudges and is unforgiving.
  • He has no sense of adventure.  He never tries anything new, goes anyplace new, or makes new friends.  
  • He’s always the loudest person in the room.
  • He thinks a NASCAR race would be a great way to spend a romantic getaway weekend.

MY TOP 15 TURN-ONS
  • He makes me laugh.
  • He is positive, supportive, and encouraging.  He gives sound advice.
  • He’s a go-getter but knows how to relax and have fun.  He has healthy boundaries with work time and personal time.
  • He’s generous with everyone in his life.
  • He tells me when he’s angry, hurt, or unhappy about something, and doesn’t hold it inside.
  • He loves being outside and doing outdoorsy things.
  • He keeps his promises and is loyal.
  • We each have our separate friends, and also our “together” friends, and it’s all good.
  • He likes to try new things – places, food, music, meeting new people.
  • He is confident and secure, yet humble.  (This is a biggy for me.)
  • He can cook!
  • He is creative, smart, and expands my horizons.  He challenges me.
  • He is spontaneous and loves to surprise me.
  • He loves me for who I am, not for who he expects me to be.
  • He is passionate about life, and about ME.

Okay, there you have it.  My "TURN-ON and TURN-OFF" lists. 
So, what things are on YOUR list???



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