I don't know about you, but the past winter was harsh for me, both physically and metaphorically. This was my first winter in my new (old) home in Southeast Ohio. I was away from my children for long stretches of time, and struggling through extremely cold temperatures and an abundance of snow. My mother became very ill at the end of January, and died on February 26th. I took a leave of absence from work to deal with this crisis, felt continually guilty about that, panicked and scrambling to launch a very important project on time. There was a banking glitch with my international job, and I went nearly two months without a paycheck during this time period. I plan to make a career change mid-year as my current contract expires, and began the job search process amidst this personal loss and chaos. My significant other and I endured demanding travel schedules from January through May, and were apart much more than we would like, which was hard on both of us. One of my adult children experienced a horrible tragedy, witnessing the death of his best friend in a tragic accident, unable to help him. And, after living in my house for only nine months, the owner I rent from decided suddenly to sell the 88 acre property where I live. I thought I might have to move again rather quickly with no appealng housing options nor personal funding available for another big move. All in all, it was a horrific first quarter of 2018.
Now, back to gardening.
Personal loss often inspires reflection, which is almost always the case with me. As I've been busy weeding, planting, prepping garden spots at home, I've been thinking about all types of gardens and all types of hearts. I have been struck by the analogy between our human hearts and our earthly lawns and gardens. I'm a rather visual person, so I'm going to tell this story in pictures.
We all want a healthy, vibrant, beautiful garden. We want our hearts to be full, happy, content, full of love and beauty. We want our hearts to look and feel like this.
Healthy garden
But, like a healthy garden, a healthy heart requires hard work and constant attention. A beautiful heart doesn't just "happen". We have to work at it, and make choices and changes that keep it healthy.
This is what happens when we let weeds take over. What are the weeds in our hearts? Worry, stress, anxiety, chaos, procrastination, avoidance. Our hearts get "weedy" when we spend time working in everyone else's gardens, yet ignore our own.
Weedy garden
We sometimes allow invasive plants to enter our gardens and our hearts. These are people and circumstances that do not belong there, but work their way in and literally take over our lives. Toxic people, controlling people, out-of-control circumstances, life run amuck - these are the "invasive" plants. Sometimes they even appear helpful, beautiful, and pleasant. We allow them to stay because they seem harmless and look pretty. We avoid dealing with them, we let them continue to grow unhindered, and in no time, they are running the show. They quickly choke out the beautiful, native plants that belong there.
Garlic mustard is pretty, but invasive and destructive!
A weed disguised as something lovely.
Phragmites, also invasive and spreads like wildfire.
Pretty, yet very bad for our habitat.
One of the most tragic ways to destroy a heart (or a garden) is by hiding it away. When we build walls around our hearts and keep them hidden and overprotected, they starve from lack of sunlight, water, and nourishment. This is a great photo-metaphor for an overprotected, walled-in, starved heart. It may be safe from harm, but it's also far out of reach of love, feeling, and the experiences of life it needs to grow and thrive.
Hidden, starved garden
The good news is, with a little effort each day, growing a beautiful heart is not only possible, it's destined to grow and flourish! We just have to weed it regularly, keep the invasive plants out, and tear down the walls that keep the sunlight and water from reaching it.
Gardens can be as diverse as human hearts, and all can be beautiful, healthy, and can bring joy to everyone who enters.
Maybe your "garden" is perfectly manicured, with every "i" dotted and every "t" crossed. Your heart is orderly, well maintained, well organized, with an emphasis on planning and scheduling.
this garden was designed for sharing! I think this is a simply gorgeous garden.
Manicured garden
Is your garden a country-cottage kind of garden? Is your heart laid-back, Zen and relaxed, letting life flow as it will? This beautiful garden looks effortless and stress-free, yet at closer glance you can see the lack of weeds, the obvious attention it receives from it's caretaker, the lovely, clear stone path, the cottage surrounded by natural beauty. Isn't it picturesque? Everyone would love to visit this garden, and all would feel at home here.
Country cottage garden
I LOVE an urban garden! This is for the gardener who is incredibly busy, on the go, living in the city. There is little room or time for a garden, yet the gardener makes time and space to develop natural garden space in an unnatural environment. These folks grow where they're planted, and make everything and everyone around them more beautiful, in spite of their circumstances.
These are the overcomers!
Urban garden
The suburban garden is accessible, and is part of everyday life. This garden is grown in your own backyard, and is open to everyone, all the time - dogs, kids, neighbors, family, friends. There is limited space, yet it is planned and used efficiently with the space and life it's been given. This is a perfect example of how people can beautify the life they've chosen and make the most of it.
Suburban garden
The last kind of garden is my favorite kind - the natural, wild, unhindered garden. This the garden/heart that is free to grow and expand naturally, in a space with no limits or boundaries. It is usually unplanned, big, and full of surprises! However, it can be challenging because there is great risk of harm. With great freedom comes great responsibility. Being free invites weeds, invasive plants, predators, fire, and opens itself to weather destruction . Yet, there is nothing more beautiful in the world to me than seeing wildflowers covering acres and acres of land. Beautiful flowers as far as the eye can see. A heart with no limits.
Wild, natural garden
Today, I am at peace with my mother's passing, although I miss her every day.
The weather has turned from winter to spring, and I'm enjoying bird migration, early morning walks, and beautiful sunsets.
My kids come to visit, and I visit them as often as I can. We are still close, although the miles separate us physically.
My international banking glitch was resolved.
My adult child who lost his best friend to a tragic accident has just completed grief counseling. He is moving forward and learning to cope with tragedy and loss.
I have a great job opportunity in the works - something I know I will love, and hope to solidify that position soon.
The house where I live sold in less than 2 weeks! The good news is, the new owner said we could continue to rent it as long as we like.
My partner and I are reaching the end of our busy travel time, and are enjoying much more time together, and with our friends and families.
All is well in my garden, for today.
I'm hard at work weeding my heart, removing invasive plants, tearing down walls, tilling the soil, planting beautiful thoughts and feelings, and hopefully creating an environment where lovely things will grow and everyone will feel welcome.
Tell me, how does YOUR garden grow?
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