Today

Today

I don’t feel brave.

I don’t want to read the words

That people with good intentions write

To try and help me make sense

Of senseless pain and despair.

Today

I don’t want to be told

That it will be okay

Because nothing will ever be okay again.

Nothing about this is okay.

It’s not supposed to be like this.

Today

I don’t want to hear

About how your loved one was healed

By miracle methods that saved his life

By prayer and power that defied all logic

About websites and wizards who can surely fix this.

Today

I’m so very tired

Of watching the one I love most in the world

Hurting, fading, fighting, holding on

And there’s nothing I can do

But say, “I love you. I’m here.”

Today

I don't need thoughts and prayers

Cakes and casseroles

"If there's anything I can do...".

What I need is to have him back

Whole, healthy, full of life and love.

Today

I want to wake up

To find this was all just a bad dream.

That it’s not really happening.

But it is happening.

My worst fears are my reality.

Today

I’m aching for what was.

I’m grieving for what will never be.

I’m afraid of the loneliness I feel now

And the loneliness that is sure to come.

I’m terrified of facing life without him.