THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP IN MY LIFE

Someone asked me a very important question recently.  "What is the most important relationship in your life right now?"  If I had been asked this same question at age 16, 26 or 36, I would have given a different answer than I would give today, at 46.  I probably would have tried to say the right thing.  I would have talked about my relationships with my family, my children, God, my friends, and how these relationships are the foundation of my life’s happiness.  I might have repeated something that was actually someone else’s answer, something I read in a book or heard from a trusted authority.  I would have said something that sounded appropriate and good.

I’m sure that my friend was actually trying to ask if I was involved in a romantic relationship right now.  I am asked this same question quite often in different ways, and it doesn’t bother me at all.  Yet those of us who find ourselves “single” in this mid-life season are keenly aware that most of our friends and family have lives that revolve around a life partner.  They sometimes assume that all single people are desperately seeking love and fulfillment through another person.  I know many couples that are incredibly happy, in love, and compatible, and plan to be together for life.  I know many others who are together, but are very unhappy and incompatible.  They swing back and forth on the unstable pendulum of obligation and frustration.  I’ve personally experienced both ends of that spectrum.  Having a committed partner in life does not necessarily equate to happiness, although it’s wonderful when two people are truly right for each other and have a loving, supportive relationship.  But we all know that whether we are in easy or difficult relationships in our lives, they all require a great deal of effort and understanding.

Our culture is always pushing the “you’ll be happy when…” concept.  You’ll be happy when you find the love of your life.  You’ll be happy when you become a parent.  You’ll be happy when you finish your education.  You’ll be happy when you land that dream job or succeed in your career.  You’ll be happy when you have more money, pay off those bills, buy that dream house, when reach your health and fitness goals, when take that dream vacation or buy that very expensive toy you’ve always wanted.  You’ll be happy when you master that skill or hobby.  You’ll be happy when your kids are safely launched in the world, and everyone you love is happy and healthy.  You fill in the blank.  But if happiness is tied to something “out there” that is always just out of reach, it breeds discontentment.  If happiness always depends on our life circumstances or our romantic relationships, then it is very fragile indeed because those things are constantly changing.  This way of thinking actually makes the assumption that you’re not really living until that “thing” happens in your life.  Those of us who have not reached those milestones are just biding our time, creeping along toward our goals, waiting for the magic to begin.

So, what is the most important relationship in my life right now?  Great question.

 I wanted to answer this relationship question honestly, and I know that my answer was quite a surprise.  It surprised me too, actually.  My answer was one that has taken years of time for me to learn, and I needed to really know myself to answer it honestly.  The most important relationship I will ever have is the relationship I have with myself.  If I am at peace within myself, then I can be at peace with my world.  If I am struggling within myself, then all of life seems a struggle.  This is difficult concept for a "giver" extrovert like me, who has always drawn my happy energy from making others happy.  The things that motivate me are external.  Helping others reach their goals, providing events and experiences that make people happy, helping others solve problems and find solutions, reach their potential. I am a born performer, and I love applause. The more the merrier, in my world.  Big parties and big crowds equals big fun!  I am happiest when I have the privilege of bringing happiness to other people through work, music, events, and friendship.  I like making people’s lives better.  I am a born communicator and connector.  But people like me can get totally out of balance when we place more value on the relationships we have with others and their happiness than we do on our core relationship with ourselves.  Putting our needs first doesn’t come naturally for us, and in our pursuit of making the world a better place, we forget to make sure that WE are okay, too.  We forget to make time to be still and refuel.

There are many people who cannot relate to this concept at all.  I really admire these folks, because they are hardwired to naturally take care of themselves and their own personal world.  These “internally” motivated people are not too hung up on how everybody else is doing, but they are keenly aware of how things are in their internal universe.  What makes them most happy is not necessarily the happiness of everyone else, (although it matters), but having their own world in order, with plenty of time to do what they want and need to do.  These are the truly independent souls in the universe, those who do not live to please others or have the love and approval of the world around them.  They do their thing, and are happiest when they are doing it.  These are the self-actualizers, the sometimes-loners, the people who don’t necessarily need to be needed.  They also don’t necessarily need other people to make them happy – they can do that all on their own.  In fact, the very thought of being needed or having to meet the expectations of others is exhausting to them.  They prefer a few close friends to large groups of people, and they love their alone time.  I know many lovely people who are wired this way, and some of the people closest to me are like this, even several of my own children.  They are not selfish or uncaring, they are just motivated internally, not externally.

Ironically, I am learning that you cannot really love or help anyone else if you don’t love and take care of yourself.  And you cannot find that elusive “happiness” that feels just out of reach if you don’t find it within yourself to begin with.  Caring for your own needs doesn't make you selfish, it just keeps you grounded and balanced so that you can love the rest of the world, and live your life to the fullest.  I know so many people who have actually arrived at all of those “happiness” milestones, and they are still discontent.   They have it all, and yet they are not happy.  Why?  Because happiness isn’t actually “out there” at all.  It’s been right inside of us, all along.  

I will be the first to admit that successful circumstances, nice things and true love DOES add greatly to our happiness in life!  Those are things I want in my own life, too.  But if I am not in a right relationship with myself, then even these fulfilled dreams will leave me feeling empty in the end.  And conversely, if I am in right relationship with myself, then I don’t have to have all of my dreams fulfilled or perfect circumstances to be truly happy.  I can be happy in this moment, even if life today is less than ideal.

Who is the person we spend the most time with in our lives?  Ourselves. 

Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship of all.

To find out more about what truly motivates YOU, take this online quiz.  Be sure and share your results with me, and I'll share mine with you!  

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

UNPLUGGED - MY WENNY-ZENNY WEEKEND

MY UNPLUGGED, WENNY-ZENNY WEEKEND

In late February I realized that I was experiencing the signs of burnout, and had been for months.  This had actually been growing in me slowly for about nine months like an evil monster-baby in my belly, and I was starting to feel major labor pains.  That baby was coming, and there was no stopping it.  Have you ever felt that way?  Do you know what your burnout symptoms are?  There were many reasons for my impending burnout, but a few of them included a death in my extended family, a severe illness diagnosis in my family, unexpected major financial pressures, college and big life decisions for children, loneliness, working through the continual details of divorce, the long winter and delay of spring, struggle with next steps, the general pressures of work and family, and several other unresolved personal issues.  Sadly, I also have a few people in my world who feel resentment, jealousy and anger toward me, which I have no control over.  No matter what I do, for reasons beyond my control, I will not ever have their support or approval.  (Fortunately these people are not my family members – I have a very supportive family.)  I’m sure we all have dealt with one or two people like this in our lives at one time or another, and it’s so hard to cope with.  It’s that person who makes you feel sick inside at the very mention of their name.  I do my best to manage that communication in a mature and understanding way, but I don’t always handle it well.   So, a series of large and small jabs from a few of these people over months of time had taken a serious toll on me.  Sometimes “haters gonna hate”, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Burnout, for me, is different from huge tragedy and loss.  I’ve experienced both in my life.  Burnout is about lots of smaller things building over time, none of which, by itself, would necessarily cause burnout.  Things like the death of a parent, sibling, spouse or child, heartbreak over love that has been lost, personal illness, abuse, divorce, personal betrayal, financial devastation, or loss of a job are all huge tragedies that require that we move through all of the stages of grief toward healing.  That was not my situation this time, but the effects of real burnout are much the same as the effects of tragedy.  You find yourself in despair.

The signs of burnout are different for each of us, but some of mine are sleeplessness, a change in eating habits (I lose my appetite entirely), worry, anxiety, depression, not being able to relax or find joy in things, lack of concentration and focus, unrealistic fears, lack of passion about life, lack of creativity, lack of energy, feeling over emotional, feeling overwhelmed, and an overall feeling of hopelessness.  Sounds fun, doesn’t it!  I have just described someone I don’t even know, someone who does not even resemble the real me.  But that is honestly how I have felt for a long while, and it seemed to get worse with each passing month.  The “normal me” is someone who loves life, finds joy in nearly every experience, and grabs each day by the horns!  Most people who know me would describe me as positive and energetic.  But I honestly found myself waking up each morning and dreading the day ahead, which is totally out of character for me.  I’m also one of those people who can become physically sick when I’m under a lot of stress.  I could tell I was going to hit a physical and emotional wall if I didn’t take some kind of break.

Unfortunately my budget would not allow for a major vacation right now, or any kind of getaway at all.  My work and personal schedule would not allow for much time off right now, either.  I really needed a break, but how do you take the break you need without time and money?  And, of course, that stressed me out, too!  I was stressed because I couldn’t figure out how to de-stress! 

I realized that most of my days are spent almost entirely on a computer, and/or on my cell phone.  This is not unusual in our day and age, and most working people are just like me.  There are a million ways to communicate with the world these days:  Texting, calling, Facebooking, Tweeting, Face-Timing, Skyping, emailing through multiple accounts (I manage 5), and the list goes on and on.  These are all part of my every day life.  I decided to try and totally unplug from all of these things for a few days, and try to take a “mental health break” without ever leaving home.  After all, unplugging from all of those things might feel like visiting another planet!  But even this took some planning.  It involved more than just shutting off all of my devices for a few days.  We live in an era when people become irate or panicked if they cannot reach you the moment they try.  I know, because I feel that way sometimes!  So I spent a few days ahead of time letting everyone know that I would be “unplugging”, and not to be alarmed if they didn’t get an immediate response from me.  Everyone was very supportive, and my plan was all set.  I would have 4 full days in a row, totally unplugged.

Now for those of you who already live a simple life with minimal stress and communication with the outside world, this may sound strange to you.  But if you’re plugged into media mania every single day like I am, unplugging can be kind of a shock to your system.  The first day I had decided to take care of some personal business so I could be free to enjoy the rest of my unplugged weekend.  I spent the first day cleaning my condo, getting organized, and running lots of errands.  I also got a wonderful hour-long massage at my favorite local spa, and that was divine!  The second day, I attended a birding and nature event where I was serving as a volunteer.  (This was something I had committed to do long before I had planned my Wenny-Zenny Weekend, and was really fun.)  But I remained totally unplugged at the event that day, and found myself much more focused on actual people!  I noticed that I was living more in the moment, listening more, and thinking less about documenting the moment!  I was tempted over and over again to check my email, Facebook and text messages out of sheer habit, but I kept to my plan.  It was a lovely day spent with lovely people.  I was starting to relax.

The third day was even more simplified.  I spent the entire day with no incoming music, TV, or any kind of noise that was not generated by nature.  No dings or beeps or ring tones.  No talking heads or loud voices selling things.  This was such a relaxing experience for me.  I was by myself, and I spent the entire day writing, reading, writing music, hiking, and letting myself just think and be.  That night I came home and took time to think through the steps I need to take in dealing with a specific struggle I’m having.  Identifying this problem and finding answers was so much easier after several days of being unplugged.  It’s kind of like the difference between looking at stars while standing in the glow of a big city, vs. looking at those same stars when you’re way out in the country.  You’re looking at the same night sky, but from a different vantage point.  Everything was much clearer and brighter in my calm, unplugged universe. 

The final day was my favorite.  We finally got a small break in our winter weather here, and we had a sunny, 55 degree day here in Northwest Ohio on the last day of March.  (That’s bikini weather compared to what we’ve had this winter!)  So I spent the entire day outside, hiking, birding, and visiting all of my favorite parks and marshes on this side of Ottawa County.  I went to eight different spots and explored them all, taking great delight in the signs of spring that are slowly developing around us.  I soaked it all in – the sunshine, the wildlife and the sounds and smells of the outdoors - and I reconnected with the natural world around me.  My  unplugged, “Wenny-Zenny Weekend” experiment was a life changing experience, and I’m so glad I did it.  It was my own personal intervention to save myself from real burnout.

Tuesday was a heck of a re-entry day, I’m not gonna lie!  I felt like I jumped back on a freight train running at full speed.  I’m gearing up for a big event with my job this weekend, and I had a huge day on Tuesday trying to catch up on all of the communication I had silenced over the weekend.  But I feel much more balanced, more at peace, more centered.  I took my time today.   Even though the freight train had not slowed down one bit, I felt I was driving the train rather than having the train drive me.  It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way.  That underlying feeling of heartache and feeling overwhelmed is still there, actually.  I can still feel it, and it still needs attention and monitoring.  I'm not totally out of the woods yet.  Unfortunately I didn’t return to real life having all of my problems solved, with a total carefree outlook.  But it’s not overpowering me like it was just a few days ago.  Somehow, part of me stayed in that calm, “unplugged” place.  I think that is the secret to finding balance in my busy, stressful life.  The deepest places in my soul need to stay unplugged and protected from the rat race.

There's a song on our most recent Rain Crows CD that I co-wrote and sing, called Tiny Spirit.  This song captures the heart of my weekend, and kept running through my brain as I was unwinding.  It was written over two years ago about a similar experience, because this seems to be a recurring theme in my life!   If you would like to listen to Tiny Spirit, please follow this link and scroll down to the MP3 file called "Tiny Spirit".  And while you're there, listen to some other songs, too!

Listen to The Rain Crows

I guess there are no guarantees in life.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring?   But I feel like I might just avoid my impending burnout after all.  

A STUDY IN "STRONG"

A Study In "Strong"

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be strong in this life.  The word “strong” conjures up lots of images in our minds.  In our success/media-driven society, strength is often equated with performance as we celebrate entertainers, sports heroes, artists, business gurus, and the "winners" of the world.  There’s an awards show, reality show, or contest for just about everything under the sun.  We equate visible success with personal strength and worth.  Although we should all aspire to aim high and reach our goals in life, I think we put too much emphasis on strength in performance.  I believe that real strength is something unseen, and has more to do with who we are than what we do.

Sometimes being strong requires that we fight with everything we are for what we want and need, we fight for the sake of others, or we fight just to survive.  We wrestle, we struggle, and we push forward to overcome our circumstances.  We hurl our minds, bodies and souls headlong into an unavoidable battle, and we usually discover that we are much stronger than we ever imagined we could be.  Being strong means being a warrior.

Sometimes being strong means learning to be real.  It means admitting faults and failures, and trying to make changes in our lives over time.  It takes incredible strength and courage to be honest with ourselves and others, and to forgive ourselves and others.  It requires strength to share our real feelings and to communicate them in a loving, respectful way. Humility and honesty are attributes of the strong, while the weak and cowardly retreat quickly to a position of self-defense, vicious attack, and self-preservation.  The strong are willing to face the truth even if it is painful, while the weak are only willing to accept the things they want, things that personally benefit them and give them comfort.  The strong are wise and giving, the weak are fearful and selfish.  I have admittedly spent time in both camps during my life, and I'm learning (the hard way) what it really means to be a strong person.  Being strong means being authentic.

As I get older, I am learning that the greatest challenges we face in life are not always about fights, failures or forgiving.  The hardest thing we must do at times is to "let go".  To pry our hands and hearts from things we have held to for years, sometimes for a lifetime.  When our own peace and emotional growth - or that of another person - requires that we let go of dreams, of plans, of expectations, of our rights, and even of the need to be understood, liked, and loved by others, I believe this requires the greatest strength of all.  

Sometimes we have to let go of anger and resentment, when clinging to it has made us feel falsely empowered.  We have to let go of negative emotions, fears, behaviors, obsessions, or thoughts that keep us in a dark place, and hold us hostage when we need to be free.  Sometimes we even have to let go of good things, because the season of those good things has come to an end.  Loved ones who die, children who grow up and move on, pets who pass away, careers that end, homes and places we must say goodbye to, sometimes we have to accept that these changes are beyond our control, and we must learn to let these things go.  Letting go is often the hardest thing we have ever done.  Love relationships can also change over time, and we find that even human love can have a beginning and an end.  What began as something good sometimes alters and re-shapes into something that is no longer good for us, and we must release it in order to move on. We find ourselves having to let go of things and people we never imagined we would ever have to live without.  Whether these things are ripped from us against our will, or we choose to release them, we have to dig deep and find the strength to let go.  We often equate being strong with “holding on”.  But sometimes being strong means letting go.

We will always find plenty of "friends" who will walk with us in the sunshine, when we are feeling strong, happy and successful, and life is good.  Everybody loves a strong, happy person!  But it is a rare thing indeed to have the love and support of another soul in the quiet battle of "letting go".  There are few friends who will stand by you in that invisible, quiet fight who will listen to your heart, hold your hand, and love you enough to help you find your strength. Many people want to join you in the sunshine and benefit from your strong spirit, but they tend to disappear when you approach the dark, cold valley.  The souls who are willing to walk with you into the darkness are the most loyal friends of all.  These are the people we really trust.  These are the ones who will remain our faithful companions until we safely reach the other side.  These are the ones who save us from despair, save us from ourselves, and they are priceless treasures to us.  Real friends help us find our strength in the darkest hour.

We have all been disappointed and hurt by someone important in our lives.  We have all experienced shattered dreams and unrealized potential.  We have all had financial, health and relationship setbacks at some point in life.  We have all made choices that have resulted in consequences that seem insurmountable.  We have all had the rug pulled out from under us and have found ourselves face down on the floor. We all have to be strong in life.  There is no other option.

Remember this:  We ARE strong enough to fight life’s battles, to face the truth, to forgive, to deal with consequences, and to let go.  And, when we finally let go, our hands will then be free to reach for the joy that awaits us.  We cannot reach for a joyful future if we are holding on to a painful past.  

Be strong. Be authentic. Let go. Find your joy.

Dignity
/ˈdignitē/ noun

1. The moment you realize that the person or situation you cared for and invested in now has nothing emotionally or spiritually to offer you, but a headache.

2. The moment you realize that life has greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night, constant anxiety, chronically unmet needs, living to please others, or a mental playlist of sad songs for cutters.

3. The moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education, and the wisdom passed to you by family and friends.

4. The moment you decide to live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you really want to do in life. People’s opinions don’t matter.  You finally realize that you will not disappoint or ruin the lives of everyone you love if you decide to do what makes you happy.

5. The moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself.

6.  The moment you realize that you are responsible for your own happiness, and that your happiness is not the responsibility of any other person or circumstance.  Every other person in your world, even the people closest to you, are responsible for their own happiness, too.  The happiness of others is not your responsibility.

7. The moment you realize that you can have everything you want in life. However, it takes timing, the right heart, the right actions, the right passion and a willingness to risk it all.  It takes discipline, self control and determination.  If happiness is not yours, it is because you really didn’t want it or need it.   If happiness is not yours, then somewhere along the line you made a conscious choice to settle for mediocrity.  You will never know what you could have had or could have been because you put your energy into fear rather than faith.  You have choices.

8. The moment you realize the ghosts of all wise people who have come before you don't want you mucking up your life with situations or people that behave anything less than honorable toward you.  You deserve to be honored, adored, and cherished, not taken for granted, controlled, and hidden.

9. The moment you realize that happiness will never be about another person.  Even the most ideal partner is only a helpmate towards achieving your life mission.  The best partnerships share equally in love, tenderness, and life coaching.  Poor partnerships are imbalanced and one-sided in these things.

10. The moment you believe that love is not about losing, winning or luck. It is about choosing to be a person who loves generously.  It is about having the courage to change yourself and your life so that you can love with complete abandon.  This involves loving yourself and loving others.  It is about learning to let love grow from painful situations.

11.  The moment you begin to truly recognize the difference between real and false hope.  Good counterfeit money can only be recognized by an expert.  So it is with counterfeit hope.  Real hope will give you wings, even in impossible circumstances.  False hope is a dog and pony act, all smoke and mirrors, and puts on a great show.  But if you look behind the stage curtain, you see that the "set" is not real, and that world is full of "actors".  False hope will leave you broken, empty and in despair.  Put your roots in real hope, and don't settle for anything false.

12. The moment you realize that you are, and you always have been, a priceless treasure.  Only ignorant people mistreat something of infinite worth.

**This list was inspired by an article I read by Shannon Adler, but I have taken great liberties with her ideas and have made my own “Dignity List”**

DREAM BIG!

“You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.”  CS Lewis

When I hear the word “dream”, dozens of popular songs come to mind that include the words dream or dreaming.  My band, The Rain Crows produced a CD in 2013 entitled "Dream Of Flying Dream", and the title song is about dreaming of flying!  Dreams are a favorite subject of poets, artists, authors and songwriters. We dream when we’re sleeping, and we dream when we are awake.   Some of our dreams are a conscious effort, while others are a subconscious processing of our thoughts and emotions.  We dream of things desired and hoped for.  We dream of life beyond our present circumstances.  Dreams give us hope and a reason for living.  From far-fetched fantasies to realistic goals, dreams are essential if we are to become healthy, balanced, fulfilled human beings.

I recently created a personal “vision board” which is a way to identify your dreams and goals, and begin to make them a reality.  I had heard about vision boards for years, and have always wanted to create one.  I have read story after story about people whose dreams were brought to life as a result of starting with a vision board.  The purpose of a vision board is to remind you of your personal dreams and goals, and to keep you inspired and positive as you work toward your goals each day.  Mine includes health and fitness goals, career goals, financial goals, relationship goals, places I’d like to visit, things I’d like to own someday, things I would like to do for others, and other experiences on my bucket list.  My vision board also includes motivating quotes, key words, and photos of people and places that inspire me.  It cost about $12 to create and took less than two hours to put together.  I have read about personal vision boards like mine that you create for yourself, as well as vision boards that companies and organizations create as a group project.  My vision board is in a very visible place in my kitchen so that I can look at it every day and be reminded that dreams really can come true.  I am finding that it lifts me up on the blue days, the gray days, and the days I’m not feeling too “dreamy”!

 My vision board

Conscious dreams can express our wishes, but unconscious dreams can also express our fears.  I recently dealt with a recurring nightmare that kept cropping up over the course of a month or so.  I always had trouble remembering the details when I awakened, but the feelings that these dreams generated were the same each time.  My nightmares were very upsetting, and I would awaken with a sense of foreboding and gloom each time it happened.  I didn’t think much about it, really, other than the fact that I seemed to be having the same dream over and over again in different forms, which had never happened to me before.  During this same period of weeks, I was also having some unexplained sadness and blue feelings.  I could not identify the reason for my blue feelings, other than the fact that it’s wintertime, which is always a bit depressing for me. 

Finally, after weeks of my recurring dream, I finally had a dream that was very detailed, with specific people, places and actions that brought it all to light for me.  I realized that I had been subconsciously processing a deep fear about an upcoming event that resulted in these nightmares, and my conscious self was not even aware of it.  It had been triggered by a series of small, unimportant discussions about this event that were not at all negative, but set this fear aflame in my subconscious.  After my recurring dream became clear, I was able to deal with it head-on and talk it through with the people involved who put my mind completely at ease.  I was not even aware that I had this irrational fear until the dreams helped me identify it.  This was no doubt a purely psychological process for me, but I found it interesting that my unconscious dreams helped me process fears and feelings that I was suppressing and unaware of in my waking life.

I read a leadership book once that said, “If you do not find time each week to put your feet up and ‘dream big’ about your organization, you are probably not an effective leader.”  Translation:  if you don’t take time to develop a vision and purpose, you are just going through the motions.  You never get out of survival mode.  Effective leaders have learned the art of balancing vision and execution.  They know how to develop a vision, help others catch their vision, then work as a team to execute the vision.  When we start with a dream and a vision, we have a purpose, motivation, and energy to move forward and reach our goals.

Those of us in leadership positions in our careers have read insightful books and attended powerful seminars on leadership in the workplace.  But have you ever thought about the concept of “personal leadership”?  How many of us have taken “leadership” of our own lives, and effectively navigate our personal lives with thoughtful leadership?  We invest a great deal of time and thought into helping our children, our friends, our coworkers and businesses thrive.  We spend loads of time and energy helping others to identify and reach their dreams and goals, but what about our own personal lives?  We often stay in survival mode for years and years, where everything seems to be “have-to”, and we don’t get to the “want-to” places that we dream of.  We often feel like human hamsters running fast on our hamster wheels but not really going anywhere, still stuck in the familiar cage we call life.  Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing the same way over and over again, yet expecting different results.  If we want different results, we must change our approach.  If we want a different approach, we must change our thinking.  I believe that it all begins with dreaming big, starting to identify what you really want, and putting a plan in place to make it happen.  How we think determines who we become and the course of our direction.

Here are some ideas to help you begin to “dream big”!

1. Be specific.  Identify your specific dreams, and form a detailed plan to reach your goals.
2. Create a vision board.
3. Start a bucket list of things you have always dreamed of doing or experiencing.  Add to the list whenever you find something new that inspires you.
4. Set aside time each week to let your mind roam free and dream.  Take a walk, a drive, or meditate in a quiet space.  Make sure you unplug your life from all technology for an hour or so, and eliminate interruptions.  Be still and listen to your heart.
5. Ask a friend or mentor to share their dreams for your life.  We are often surprised to find that others have a bigger picture of our lives than we do.
6. Take action.  Achieving your dreams doesn’t just “happen” to you, you have to take action to make it happen.
7. Believe your dreams are possible.  Inspire yourself with stories of others who have accomplished what you are trying to achieve.  If they can do it, why not you?
8. Set both short-term and long-term goals.  Reaching short-term goals will keep you encouraged as you strive to hit the bigger success marks along the way.
9. Be flexible.  You will get there, but your journey may not be quite what you expected, and it may not be the same as another person’s journey.  Some dreams are reached by taking the long, scenic route, while other dreams are reached by taking the fast highway.
10. Celebrate and share your story!  As you reach your goals, one at a time, be sure and share your story with others who will be inspired by your achievements.  We are all at a different place in the journey, and your story will help keep others moving forward.

“Don’t be pushed by your problems; be led by your dreams.” ~Unknown

POTHOLES, PRAIRIES AND PEOPLE

I had the privilege of attending a delightful birding festival last June in Carrington, North Dakota, appropriately named the “Potholes And Prairies Birding Festival”.  Carrington is a little town located about 150 miles NW of Fargo, where the sky goes on forever, the landscape and wildlife is breathtaking, and the local folks instantly make you feel like you’re part of the family.  There are miles and miles of natural prairie land in this area of North Dakota, and natural “potholes” have formed that are actually little ponds and lakes scattered throughout the region.  It was my first time visiting North Dakota, and it far exceeded my expectations!  I had never stepped foot on an actual prairie before, and it was a life changing experience for me.   The feeling of being on a vast, open prairie is freeing and peaceful.  I tried to breathe deeply and drink in the “bigness” of it all, leaving my day-to-day worries behind.

Our birding group always walked single file to minimize our impact on the natural condition of the prairie. 

One of the many things about North Dakota that surprised me was the fact that it never became fully dark at night in mid-June.  Because we were so far north, there was a faint “midnight sun” experience like you would have in Alaska during the summer months.  It was also much warmer during the day than I had anticipated.  I understand that June weather is quite unpredictable in and around Carrington, and I was happy to have visited during a stretch of great weather.  

Sunrise in North Dakota

I attended the Potholes And Prairies Birding Festival with dear friends who were speaking and guiding at this event.  For years they had told tales of their adventures in North Dakota, and I was eager to experience it firsthand.  I had many other friends who attended Potholes And Prairies last June, and I made lots of new friends, too.  If you’ve never been to a birding festival, they are great fun!  Whether you are a veteran birder, a newbie, or something in between, festivals are a great way to learn more about birds and wildlife, enjoy the outdoors, and meet lovely, interesting people.

Back row:  Bill and Al

Front row:  Sarah, Julie, kelly, Ann, Ernie and me

 

Birding down a lonesome road

Along with the beautiful people and landscape, there were many birds to see that were totally new to me.  I had over 40 “life birds” on this trip.  For those of you who don’t speak “birder”, a “life bird” is a bird you see for the very first time in the wild.  Some birders are “listers” and keep an ongoing list of the birds they’ve seen.  Growing up in Tennessee, I had never seen birds like Wilson’s snipe, American avocet, yellow-headed blackbird, chestnut collared longspur, sora, Nelson’s sparrow, grasshopper sparrow, and many, many more.

 Wilson's snipe

yellow-headed blackbird

My favorite day of birding was the day we set out to find a large nesting colony of grebes. We were told about a marshy area nearby where supposedly 100 western grebes were nesting, which would be a rare thing to see, indeed.  The bird I most wanted to see on this trip was a Clark’s grebe, named after my ancestor William Clark (of Lewis and Clark), and it was discovered and named during the famed Lewis and Clark expedition.  Clark’s grebes are elegant birds, and I had always wanted to see one, but had only ever admired them in photographs.  I was uncertain if I would be able to see one on this trip because they are somewhat uncommon birds, even in North Dakota.  We headed out to find the grebe colony early one morning, and after an intense search and lots of madcap map mania, we finally found it!  I was moved to tears as we approached the marsh that hosted hundreds of grebes nesting in the wild.  The unmistakable sound of the mass number of grebes reached me before I could actually see them, and as they came into view, it was as if time stood still.  A truly magical moment.  I was overwhelmed with emotion as the natural scene unfolded.  There were more grebes than I could count, busily swimming and nesting and living their little grebe lives in this colony they called home.  At first glance, I only saw western grebes, identified by their red eye surrounded by a black head.  I immediately started scanning the colony to try and find a Clark’s grebe.  Unlike the more common western grebes, Clark’s grebes have a red eye that is surrounded by white.  My eyes searched wildly for my namesake bird, a bird that I had traveled far and wide to see with my own eyes.  After a few minutes of focused searching, I found my bird!  We targeted it in the spotting scope, and sure enough, there were two Clark’s grebes in my sights, one sitting on a nest while the other continued to swim back and forth, adding nesting material a little at a time.   Because these birds were nesting and not on the move, I was able to take great photos and watch their activity for a long time.  I imagined William Clark seeing this bird for the first time, and wondered if he felt the same sense of amazement and humility that I felt at that moment.

 Clark's grebe

Taking photos on the prairie

Another memorable part of my trip was playing music with my band, The Rain Crows, on the last night of the festival.  Our talented friends, Ernie Hoffert and Stephen Ingraham, joined us, and these talented musicians made a great evening even better.  While dozens of people enjoyed a picnic on that mild summer evening, our band enjoyed a night of outdoor music on the picturesque farm owned by our friends Ann and Ernie Hoffert.  Ann, along with her faithful event team and local tourism leaders, has coordinated this festival for nearly ten years.  She represents the heart and soul of Potholes And Prairies, and she and her husband Ernie seem to capture the heart and soul of North Dakota for me as well.  They are very special people, and their hospitality and generosity have brought joy to thousands of people over the years.

 Bill Thompson, Jessie Munson, Ernie Hoffert and Stephen Ingraham

Fishing with Ann Hoffert

Our evening presentations during the festival took place at the charming Chieftain Hotel and Conference Center in downtown Carrington.  It’s not every day you see a giant Native American statue greeting you in the parking lot of your hotel!

I hope you have the opportunity to visit North Dakota, and see firsthand the glory and beauty of this region of the world.  If you would like more information on the Potholes And Prairies Birding Festival, please visit their website: 

This plant is called prairie smoke and grows wild on the prairie. 

Who knows?  You might just fall in love with the potholes, prairies and people of North Dakota.  I know I did.